Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue….

At the beginning of the covid pandemic, I remember waiting and watching the number of cases shoot up in my state, and then watched the country slowly shut down. This had brought many cancellations, and times of isolation. I was devastated when Scott and I made the decision to postpone our wedding until next year. I had been working tirelessly making sure that everything was in order and ready to go, but we decided that it was not worth the risk of putting ourselves, and our family and friends in danger. So we rescheduled the big day to July 17, 2021!

As the summer went on, a lot of things came to change. I had made the decision to not return to a center based childcare program, because it didn’t seem to be the safest option. So I decided to move on to nannying. In order to do this though, I needed to figure out what to do for health insurance. After discussion and a lot of research, Scott and I figured out it would be cheapest to get insurance through his work if we got married. So we decided that we would get married on August 8, 2020.

We planned a small wedding including a few members of our family that could make it, and members of our polycule. We then also had it available to watch via zoom for the family and friends who couldn’t be there physically that wanted to watch. This was not a wedding that anyone expected to happen given the state of the world, but for this one day in 2020 “we were not in Kansas anymore” and our world was a brighter and more colorful place………

I woke up the morning of August 8th, excited and nervous to begin the day. I was going to be married to my knight in shining armor at noon. I washed my hair the night before, that way I would be ready for my metamour to do my hair. I walked downstairs and had bowl of cereal. Fruit Loops to be exact. A bright way to start my day. Everyone started waking up and getting to work on the different chores we had to do before the wedding. This was a poly family effort.

David, Ellie, my roommates, Amie, and Scott were busy preparing the backyard for the ceremony and BBQ. Paffy couldn’t make it during the day because he had to work, but he came to the party after the ceremony! They were filling up balloons with helium and stringing them in different places around the yard. The balloons were beautiful rose gold and ivory, and some were filled with confetti! (which was fun to clean up later after the kids had fun popping them) They set up patio chairs, and camping chairs distanced and to form an aisle for me to walk down leading from my back deck patio, around our small garden to a little alcove under the pine trees. Having the ceremony in this spot was very appropriate for Scott and I, it had a very Lord of the Rings feel.

David cleaned the pool one last time, and then set up all of the sound equipment for the music, as well as the computer which would broadcast my little wedding via zoom! I am thankful for the technology that we have now, otherwise my parents would not have been able to be present for the big day!

While everyone was outside I went up to my bedroom and pulled out a special box that was covered in many love sayings, mermaid quotes, and a special note from a friend who made me the wonderful and beautiful gifts that were my wedding bouquet, my wedding crown, and Scott’s boutonniere. She owns a small company called Necessities which specializes in making paper flower products! These are absolutely stunning.

The colors she used for my flowers were the colors of the sea! different shades of blue, teal, and white, mixed with a little glitter and a few pearls, and a mermaid band holding it together with an inscription saying “mermaid at heart.” She captured my essence and who I am in her flower choices! I can’t thank her enough for adding such a wonderful piece to my day. And for adding a beautiful anklet, headband, and pride crown as well! I brought the box with these items downstairs and set up the living room to get ready for my wedding day makeover.

I turned on Mamma Mia, which I say is the story of my life. A girl who has three fathers, and a mother whom she absolutely adores, who is getting ready for her wedding. It was the perfect upbeat movie to get my hair done too. One of my metas has experience in hairdressing, and volunteered to take on doing my hair for the wedding. I was so thankful. As we jammed out and sang to Abba songs she placed my beautiful white flower crown atop my head and began to create the most beautiful loose banana curls that dropped around the crown in waves of shining blonde. I was beginning to feel like a princess, and was completely impressed that she was able to tame my frizz. In the heat of summer the humidity turns my hair into a mane, I become a Lion.

After the movie ended we put on a special wedding playlist that I made and started on the makeup. My roommate is amazing with makeup, they offered to do my makeup. I was a shimmering gold princess after she was done. I felt beautiful! The last step was the dress. My other meta helped me into my dress, and laced up my corset dress. The dress I wore a twenties style, knee length, white lace dress. And to complete my look, a glamorous pair of white flip flops 😉

The wedding ended up getting delayed by about 20 minutes due to technical difficulties, but when it was time to go, I was so nervous. I love the attention, but I was also nervous because I would be walking down our makeshift aisle by myself. My family couldn’t make it do to travel restrictions and the need to Quarantine, but they joined via zoom!

I waited at the sliding door to my back yard until I heard the music start. It was the Israel Kamakawiwo’ole “Somewhere over the Rainbow.” After the music started, I waited a few seconds and took my first steps out into the sunlight after my roommate opened the slider for me. As I walked down the stairs, the music stopped. I started to laugh, because you know, 2020 had to have its say in the day in some way I guess? The music began again after a few seconds and I continued to walk down the aisle through what felt like a tunnel of love. I was surrounded by family, and poly family, and could feel the warmth and love permeating in the air. But what really caught my eye was the glow in my meta’s 5 year old daughters eyes when she saw me coming. I remember being in her shoes at a wedding when I was young, dreaming about the day that it would be me walking down the aisle. This made me smile even wider. And then I saw him, and my smile brightened.

Scott was standing at the end of the aisle looking slightly frightened, but had a bright smile on his face none the less. Scott is a very quiet person who doesn’t always like to be the center of attention. But he did amazing! He was dressed in his tan Hawaiian shirt with his handsome boutonniere and a nice pair of shorts! Max the Pug was seated up front as well in his little blue feather bed. He was both of our Best Pug and Pug of Honor. He looked very dapper in his little blue tie that I made for each of the dogs to match the masks that I made as a wedding favor for each of my guests.

And surprise, who officiated our wedding and was standing next to Scott? The other love of my life, David. David registered with town hall and was able to marry us. And now I would like to share with you our wedding ceremony which we wrote with inspiration from our friends poly ceremonies. I hope you enjoy.

The Ceremony

David:

I would like to start this ceremony with a quote by Samantha in the movie “Her:” 

“A heart is not a box that you fill up, it expands the more you love.” 

Welcome family, friends, metamours, and partners of the bride and groom both those who are here in person and those watching live on the internet. 

We are gathered here today for regular matrimony. It is no accident that you are here today or watching from home, each of you were invited because you represent someone important to the individual and collective lives of Scott and Shannon. Today we are all here to celebrate love. The love between Scott and Shannon, their love for you all, and your love for them. 

Scott and Shannon have chosen each other, day after day, to walk a path together, to share in each other’s incredible moments and to assist in making each other’s dreams a reality. 

The commitment they are making with each other today is being created through equality, mutual respect, and love. Scott and Shannon bring with them the experiences which drew them together, their learned experiences, and their dedication to their personal growth both individually and within each other.

They bring the intentions of their hearts as a treasure to be shared with limitless love, with each other, and their loved ones. They do so with patience, trust, compersion, and a loving sense of humor.

Scott and Shannon both hold a special place in my heart. With their trust as friends, their companionship as roommates, and love as metamor and partner. Scott shall always be remembered as Zorro or Dread Pirate Roberts, depending on who you ask. Shannon shall always be my banana and I’m honored to bring these two together to spend the rest of their lives together. 

Scott and Shannon will now speak their vows. 

They have built their relationship with strong foundations in honesty, trust, communication, openness, and of course love. They have both grown on their journey together, embrace each other as individuals that complement each other rather than complete each other. 

They choose to continue their journey with each other for the rest of their lives and today in front of their families, partners, metamors, friends and the internet. 

Scott/Shannon repeat after me:

Scott/Shannon today I take you to be my (husband/wife) 

I vow……

… to continue to build our relationship as equals in life. 

.. To be your anchor, but to never hold you back from finding your way. 

.. To help you achieve your goals, in both life and love, and support your relationships as you have done for me. 

.. To love and support you.. No matter where this crazy life takes us. 

.. To give you space when you need it, but be here for hugs and snuggles when you need to be held. 

.. To continue to share your awesomeness and sexyness with the people who bring you so much happiness and love. 

.. And I vow to stay close to your heart, and remind you everyday that you will always have a place in mine.

Two rings to show your love, two rings to bind you, two rings to seal your love, and to ever entwine you.

Now to present your rings.

Scott – do you take Shannon to be your wife? 

Shannon – do you take Scott to be your husband? 

You may place your rings. 

//Shanon and Scott place their rings.

Now with the power vested to me by the internet, I pronounce you to be Husband and Wife – you may now kiss each other. 

After the ceremony ended we thanked everyone who was watching on zoom for joining us and began the BBQ. It was a beautiful day, and the cake was absolutely amazing a Chocolate Ganache Cake! It was full of swimming, good food, and the best part, being surrounded by people we loved, even if it was virtually. Covid did not stop us. I am proud to be a #QuarantineBride

Stay tuned in July 2021 for our Wedding Part 2!

I have been struggling to have inspiration to write, so I am sorry that my posts have been few and far between. Covid-19 hit the world so quickly and turned it completely upside down. It has been over two months since I have seen Amie and Patrick, and even longer since I have seen some of my family. When I said goodbye to Patrick back at the beginning of March, little did I know at that point we would become a long distance relationship on the spot. I was expecting maybe a few weeks, but boy was I wrong.

That is one thing that I am very thankful for, I got to have a real goodbye with Patrick. I don’t feel like we were ripped apart, even though everything happened so quickly, but it is still sad and very hard. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions from the beginning.

Embracing Patrick in a hug, the last Tuesday I saw him, I knew it would be a while before I saw him again. I didn’t want to let him go, I embraced him so hard, and took in his sweet woodworking scent, and I watched him get into his car and drive away. My heart sunk, and tears welled in my eyes. I was going to be strong. That is what i kept telling myself.

The next day came around and our household had a discussion with what everyone was comfortable with. And we had come to the decision that we would let people see their partners one more time before having to cut off our lives from the outside world for a while. Coming to a decision with six people is not easy, because everyone has different feelings about what they consider to be safe. Yes, I currently live in a poly household with David, Ellie, Scott and two of our good friends.

I will admit that since quarantine started a few months ago, I have been dusting off some of my old skills that I have lost touch with. So in some aspects this hasn’t been all bad. I have started really singing again, I completed my first 1000 piece puzzle, we are starting a raised garden this year, and we built a woodshed. We are trying to be proactive because we do not know what the food situation will be in the coming months with half of the country out of work.

The other great piece has been that I have been able to see a lot more of my mother. Balancing a big family and Polyamory is a hard thing to do on a normal basis sometimes, because everyone wants your time. My mother and I have started doing workouts together via zoom, 4 times per week. So I am still staying connected to her.

Honestly, I feel like I have been connecting more with my family in general since this started. I will admit at the beginning my brother had me a bit freaked out, coming up with a plan to all escape to Vermont in case everything gets bad. Which, you know isn’t an awful idea because of the lower population to Massachusetts, and our family has skills in how to be self sufficient, especially in cases of food shortages. We have a family of hunters, gathers, growers, education, and medical. It seems sort of doomsday prepper like, but it is always good to have a worse case scenario planned out. The only thing is, I couldn’t leave my poly family behind, we may not be blood, but the love, care, and investment is of a chosen loving family.

Seeing what a lot of my family has been going through has also paid a big emotional toll on me because I hate seeing my loved ones struggling. A majority of my family are essential workers. My mom is a probation officer, my brothers are a correctional officer and one works for channel 5 in Boston. My sister in-law is an ER Nurse. and the one who I have been most concerned about is my Aunt. She is retiring age, and is at very high risk of contracting covid, and she is an ICU nurse in Massachusetts, and some of the stories she tells me is that of a nightmare.

They are running with very little protective gear, and when they had an order coming in of gloves, gowns, and masks, it got intercepted by the Federal Government, so now they are stuck re using masks, using trash bags as gowns (in which they sweat and almost pass out because of the heat trash bags hold in because the ICU is so busy treating people with COVID). It makes me sick and so sad to know what our healthcare workers are going through, yet still going out everyday risking their lives to save others lives. I have the upmost respect for them, and at the same time a great fear.

I am greatly concerned about her mental health as well. She has had to hold phones for people to say goodbye to their families because their families cannot enter the rooms. Because they do not have enough equipment, they aren’t going into the rooms as much unless there is a great emergency, and she has had to intubate her friends, and one of them has passed away. She has said she comes out of work and just cries before she drives home. This is real, and it’s happening, even if we can’t see it from the comfort of our homes.

In honor of her we made a video called The Linda Brown Project, which was a compilation of videos made by friends and family members, as well as a few celebrity guests, to help bring positivity, love, and strength to her. The little things really are the things that make the world go round right now. We have to be creative in showing our loved ones that we care, because we cannot be present with them. Here is a link to the videos that were made for her.

Something that has been great though, is spending so much time with my Pug Max. He is getting older in age, so having this extra time where I can cuddle and play with him has been amazing. He has become a bit clingy though, he doesn’t like me to leave the room without him. Silly puppy.

I have had to be very creative in how I display my love and thoughts with my partners. I have done silly little things like baked a bunch of cookies for my partners and metamours and we have either social distanced giving them to them, or sent them in the mail. I have also colored pictures and sent them to Amie and Patrick. And I send little care packages that will bring them joy. I have sent things like bath bombs, and activities for them to with their son such as building a bird house, a Minecraft cookbook, and family games. Being creative in support has been important. It is hard balancing a job, and making sure that your child is getting their school work done, and just keeping them happy and occupied in a time that children really do not understand.

The video dates have also been a lot of fun. We have found fun ways to be with each other even if far apart. We have done bathtub dates where we both take bath and just talk while relaxing by candlelight, and we have done gardening dates where we look and talk about what we are growing. Thanks to these I still feel as close to Patrick and Amie as I ever did, even though I miss their physical touch, but I can feel their love pouring through the screen.

Work has been turned upside down as well. I haven’t been to work physically since the beginning of March as well, and we have been creative in ways to communicate with the children. I work with infants and young toddlers, so it has been a learning process figuring out what works for them. I have made a collection of youtube videos for children, varying from reading stories, singing songs, dancing, and seeing the cool spring nature. We also zoom with the kinds a few times a week. It has been an interesting task keeping children focused on zoom meetings. But we are making them as engaging as possible.

Here is the link to my youtube page for children: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLH0CMq1_ReOuM4Djs-FY5agDk_z8suUEj

I also made a bunch of finger puppets to help with these meetings, and will also be a great resource when I go back to work. I have re learned some of my old sewing skills, and they came out super cute! I also made a fox and an owl finger puppet and sent them off to Amie and Patrick, because those are their favorite animals, to show that I was thinking about them.

This quarantine has been different for everyone. For me I will say it has overall been a huge rollercoaster, and a test to how creative we can be in making relationships work. I video chat with my partners at the very least once a week, because it is nice to see faces, rather than just hearing voices, or seeing text on a screen. That is the one thing I have been struggling with the most, the fact that though I am an introvert, I am very much a social being who needs a lot of touch to show love, and feel security.

I will admit, I have had really bad days where I am over emotional and just can’t stop crying, I also have days where I just don’t want to be touched, and then I can bounce to a great day where I am very productive and getting a lot done. It is ok to have all of these feelings, and I am a person that people can reach out to if they just need a friend to talk too. This virus has been testing us all in ways that we never expected, and we are seeing things that we never thought we would. If you are feeling alone, find creative fun ways to connect with people! Once a week I have been hosting a Zoom Happy Hour for friends to come together and just talk about what they are going through, and what they have been up too, so we can still see each other and stay connected. I know many people look forward to it every week, and so I continue to make it an option.

The hardest thing that I have had to do this quarantine was that Scott and I postponed our wedding to next year. It was supposed to be July 18 of this year, but we didn’t want to put our friends and family at risk. This was a very hard decision, but I feel we made the right one.

I can’t reiterate this enough. This time is testing us, and it is hard. It is ok to have bad days, and it is great when you have good days. Take it one day at a time and we will get through this. We are all in this together, even though we are apart. You are loved, and you are not alone!

The salty sea breeze was rushing past my face, I inhaled the sweet scent of ocean, and seaweed. There is no other place that I would rather be. I feel so at home at the ocean, as I identify as a mermaid, this makes complete sense. However, today was a special day, because David and I had planned a beautiful day together in Gloucester, MA. We hadn’t been on many day trips alone on the weekends, so this was a nice little excursion.

We spent our day walking on the beach, collecting sea glass. He also took me to a really cool old record store downtown. I had never been to Gloucester before this day, and I can see why people love it so much. Its a quaint little ocean side town, and everyone in the shops are so friendly.

This day meant a lot to me, but little did I know this would be the beginning of a drama which affected everything. Natalie was acting not ok with the fact that David and I had taken a weekend day to spend together. She had been staking claim to basically all of his weekends. She was going to be seeing him that night after we had got back from the beach.

Back then, I knew that this was going to be a problem, because everything had to be on a strict schedule, and if someone was late, it was the end of the world. We were a little late coming back from Gloucester that day, and Natalie was ANGRY. I was a bit upset because she had been texting him literally all day complaining about the fact that he was with me, and how unhappy she was with this fact. So he spent a good amount of his day that was supposed to be with me, buried in his phone trying to reassure Natalie. I get wanting to reassure a partner, and if it wasn’t the case every time he saw me, I wouldn’t have had as much of an issue. My time was never just me and him. It was me, him, and her complaining. 

I was going to be hanging out with Ellie overnight, we had plans to go to Barefoot Books again, and to go grocery shopping. David went with Natalie after we got back, she was there to pick him up at his apartment. It was always awkward during these switch offs because he acted afraid to give me a kiss in front of her, and would give me a quick peck and leave, because as he has explained he was worried about the emotional repercussions with Natalie.

This made me feel awful. Though I understood it, it made me feel like our relationship was a secret in a sense, even if it really wasn’t. But it also made me feel that her needs were always going to be more important to mine. It was ok to do things in private, but not in front of her at all. Yet, it was ok to be completely kissy and loving in front of me. I felt this was a big double standard, and it was something that I really struggled with back then.

Ellie and I had a good night, and did all of our fun things on Sunday. Grant wanted to join us, but was still working on helping his brother get into the Veterans Hospital, and helping him get  the psychological help he needed. Ellie and I had discussed how things have been going. Ellie was getting to be at her wits end with Natalie as well. Natalie had made it very clear that she did not really like either of us. I told Ellie that I had been thinking about everything happening and how I was tired of feeling like my relationship with David was not as important, and I was tired of feeling like my relationship was always walking a narrow line that would break at any moment.  Every time I was with David, we couldn’t just enjoy our time together, because she would be constantly texting and telling him that he needed to dump me. This was extremely unhealthy and I had had enough. 

When David got home the next day, he and Natalie just sat in the car for hours talking. Her facial expressions suggested that she was angry. Ellie and I went out grocery shopping and when we got back they were still in the car. Ellie was getting angry. One of her grocery bags had torn open and the groceries went all over the pavement. I helped her pick it up, while David and Natalie stayed in the car staring at her. I looked at David with a “what the fuck” look. Natalie gave me a nasty look in return. At this point David knew that we were angry too.

After all of the groceries were gathered after several trips back and forth to the car, David came in and talked to me and Ellie, he said that he wanted all of us to sit down and talk together. Natalie was not really on board, and neither were Ellie and I. Why did I want to talk too someone who has been trying to sabotage my relationship openly? What good would come from that? He was overwhelmed and upset, she was still sitting in the car outside.

I was tired of being depicted as this awful person who was trying to steal him away, and I was tired not having my time spent with him respected, and I was tired of him being scared to show me any affection because it would trigger Natalie.

I finally broke down and told David that I couldn’t be in a relationship like this anymore. My needs were not being respected, and she was constantly intervening in our relationship. I didn’t sign up to be treated like I was. David was doing the best he could, given that he was still learning how to navigate polyamory as well. It is no easy task. I didn’t want to leave it as an ultimatum, but I told him that if he continued to be with Natalie, which I understood if he wanted too, I couldn’t be in a relationship with him anymore, because it was not healthy for me and my mental health. I was tired of being depicted as this awful person who was trying to steal him away, and I was tired of not having my time spent with him respected, and I was tired of him being scared to show me any affection because it would trigger Natalie. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Ellie spoke up as well saying that she was getting sick of it too. Natalie would also invade on her time with David, and on top of that as I stated earlier, Natalie said that if David ever got Ellie pregnant, she would dump him. That was not right, they are married.  He was also angry, and mean whenever he came back from visiting her, she brought out the worst parts of David. She was also tired of Natalie taking all of the weekends, because Ellie usually did activities with her niece on the weekend, and David had not joined them in a long time. 

I told David that I love him, but enough was enough. He still hadn’t even told me he loved me, even though I knew he felt it at this point, because if he did, he would have to tell Natalie, and it would again be a big drama. 

He gave me a hug and a kiss, and said I am going to tell you this now, because I don’t know when I will be able to say this again, but “I Love You.” 

David was completely broken up and in a bad place. He loved all of us, and he was realizing that how things were going was not going to work anymore. His wife couldn’t support his relationship with Natalie anymore, and he was going to lose me. He had to make a hard decision. He thought about it for a little while. He gave me a hug and a kiss, and said I am going to tell you this now, because I don’t know when I will be able to say this again, but “I Love You.” 

I was completely taken aback by this. This was the first time he was going to tell me this? Really? I was a mixture of happy, and upset, but I told him I loved him too. Ellie and I watched him as he walked out the door, we had no idea what he was doing. Ellie and I sat there for a good 45 minutes talking, while David was out in the car with Natalie. 

He finally came back in, and he looked defeated and tear stained. Ellie asked him what happened. And he said he broke up with Natalie, and walked into his bedroom and closed the door. 

Highlights/ Lessons Learned:

1. It is important to make your needs known. You shouldn’t be made to feel that you are not important by anyone. Keep communication open always.
2. Respect yours and others time with their partners. It is not fun to feel like you are not getting quality time. 
3. Break ups are hard. But in the end you need to do what is right for yourself. If you are in a situation that is toxic to you, you have every right to leave the situation. 

Bianca and I were starting to hang out more at this point. David was still away for a lot of the weekends with Natalie, and neither Grant nor I wanted to stay home with Josephine. So we both ended up hanging out with Liam and Bianca on the weekends doing various activities. We would do some board games, and we especially loved going to a local club to karaoke! I even got a nickname because I was going there so much! I became known as the “Blonde Bombshell.” It still makes me laugh to this day.

It was nice having someone that I felt I could talk to about issues I was having in my poly relationships without judgement. Bianca was becoming that person for me. It was interesting because she had a lot of background knowledge about David as well, because her and Liam had been friends with him for several years before I had even met David. 

Bianca and I started becoming very flirty. I had never really acted on girl crushes before, but she was a lot of fun to flirt with and she seemed to really get me. It was a bit of a struggle to navigate this situation because I was very close with Bianca, but Liam had been interested in me since David had introduced us at a game day. I wasn’t as interested in that kind of relationship with him, I considered him more of a friend. There will be more to this later on.

One weekend we went to a friend of Liam and Bianca’s apartment to play board games and just hang out. It was a lot of fun, and I may have gotten a bit tipsy. They had a beautiful view from the rooftop of their apartment that I really enjoyed looking at, especially at sunset. 

I had gone up to the rooftop for a few minutes away. I had been drinking a bit and wanted some fresh air. I had also finally been able to talk to David for a few minutes because he was away in Vermont with Natalie doing a cooking course. I had barely talked to him for most of the weekend, so I really wanted to take this opportunity to reconnect with him. 

I was starting to feel really insecure about my relationship with David during this time period. There was a lot of pressure coming from Natalie, and she was more persistent than ever that he needed to break up with me. There were more restrictions put on him, and she started claiming more and more time with him on weekends so that he couldn’t be with anyone else. She even wrote in his google calendar “Staking Claim,” on one of the days.  

I started becoming insecure in myself because of this. I had never been in a situation like this before. I was trying to think of ways that I could keep him interested in me. Make him see that I was worth staying with, because I was starting to feel like our relationship was walking a fine line, and she had the scissors to cut the string on me at any point. So I had decided the best way was to lose a lot of weight and become skinnier and more appealing. 

I had been on a diet for about a month at this point and had lost almost 25lbs. It was a diet that you took drops multiple times a day to suppress your appetite, and then you only ate like 500-1000 calories a day.  This was all in my head, and I felt desperate to find ways to show him I was worth it. This was not the best route to take, it ended up messing up my stomach for a long time, and my weight never had anything to do with it anyways, I know especially now. He never cared about my weight, he thought I was beautiful the way that I was. I just wasn’t feeling it myself at this point, and felt like I was going to lose him, so this was something that I could control. My whole world was chaos around me with Josephine, I was so afraid of losing the one person who was creating stability in my life at that point. Grant was so everywhere dealing with his mother that he couldn’t be there for me the way that he wished he could. 

Liam had followed me up to the rooftop. I didn’t know he was there at first, but he came up behind me and pinched my side. It was something that he did in a playful way a lot with me. I said hey, and told him that I was talking to David on messenger because he had a few minutes to chat. He was in the bathroom, which was really the only time he could talk to anyone when he was with Natalie. 

Liam started talking about the sunset and how beautiful it was, and I could feel her brushing his arm against mine on the railing. I remember thinking that this felt a little weird, but I shook it off. We talked for a little bit about the board games that we had been playing that day. He had introduced me to a game called “SKULLS,” It was pretty good. I told him that we should probably get back because Bianca and Grant were waiting for us.

Once the doors closed I saw Liam look at me, and all of a sudden I was against the wall of the elevator and he kissed me.

We walked back to the elevator and pushed the button waiting. There was  a bit of an awkward silence as we waited for the elevator. It finally arrived and we walked into the elevator. Once the doors closed I saw Liam look at me, and all of a sudden I was against the wall of the elevator and he kissed me. I was in a bit of shock and didn’t know what to say, so I was like “this isn’t a good idea.” He stopped and we walked back to the apartment. When we got back “Let It Go” was playing on the radio, I burst into the room singing and dancing to the song. Frozen was one of Bianca’s favorite movies.  

Things were a bit weird between Liam and I for the rest of the night, but we didn’t talk about the situation again. I felt bad because  I knew how much he liked me, I was not feeling the same way. In fact, I was starting to have feelings for Bianca, I didn’t know what they were, but it was something I was interested in exploring.

Highlights/Lessons Learned:

1. Don’t try to change yourself, especially in ways that could affect your health to impress other people. Do changes because it is something you want, and it will make your life better. I have made many mistakes, but I have learned from them. In the end he never even cared that I was a little heavy, he thought I was beautiful. It was a narrative that I was making up in my head, because I felt I had no control in this situation, so I was creating something I felt I could control.
2. Consent is important. Liam did not mean any harm in his actions toward me this night. He had a crush on me. But it is so important to make sure that people are ok being touched and kissed before you engage in the act with them. 
3. It is a lot of fun to dance and sing to “Let It Go” when you are a bit tipsy. Sometimes you just need to let it out and dance!

Polyamory was becoming a big part of my life, and it was getting harder for me to keep a secret. My mother knew about it, but at the time she had advised me against telling anyone else in my family. She didn’t think that they would get it, and honestly I feel that she was embarrassed by it because it is something that is not the social norm.

I was going on a weekend trip with my aunt, she and I are very close. She helped raise me when I was younger. For a while my mom was a single mother, after her divorce from my step dad. My mom is my hero, despite everything that life had thrown at her, from having an abusive ex husband, to beginning to raise two young children on her own, she had so much determination and will power to be able to take on going back to college to get her bachelor’s and master’s degree. She was doing weekend classes, so my aunt would come up every other weekend to take care of myself and my younger brother. She basically became a second mother to me.

We were headed up north to a small town in Maine to see a gospel singer called Ernie Hasse. Gospel is not my favorite genre of music, but I can appreciate all kinds of music. She and I go to several concerts per year, usually Celtic Thunder. We are in LOVE Celtic Thunder, and go to their concerts and solo concerts every year! We have even been on a Celtic Thunder Cruise! Here is a link to one of my favorite Celtic Thunder songs on youtube called “Seven Drunken Night”

On the way to Maine I decided that I was going to try and tell her about me being polyamorous. It was not an easy decision to make, but she is someone who I talk to about everything, and always have. You know the saying when your Aunt is like your best friend? Well, this is the case between me and her, and it was so hard not telling her about such an important piece of my life.

I told her while she was driving. I tried to bring it up as casually as I could, I had never come out to anyone before, at least of my own free will, and I was really nervous about how she would react. I never questioned that she would still love me, she always would and I had no reservations about that, but she can be quite opinionated and outspoken when she doesn’t understand or doesn’t agree with something. 

She asked me how I had been doing. She was aware of everything going on with Grant and Josephine at home. My family was not the biggest fan of Josephine. I told her things were still very rough at home, and half the time I really wasn’t feeling safe with Josephine and Grant’s brother still living with us. I then told her that Grant and I were trying something new within our relationship, and asked her if she had ever heard of Polyamory?

I have never pushed my family or friends to understand how I am living, I just ask that they support my decision and autonomy to live my life the way I choose.

She had not, so I explained to her that Grant and I were opening our marriage to be able to date and romantically connect with other people. She asked if that is why I had been posting so many pictures of myself with David on facebook, and I told her that it was. She sat there quiet for a little bit, which made me nerves fire out of control. I could see the wheels turning in my aunt’s head as she was trying to process and understand what I had just told her. Finally she said “ok.” She explained that she didn’t understand it, nor is it something that she would want for herself or for me, but if I am safe and happy that she would support my decision. I let out a big sigh of relief. To this day she still doesn’t fully understand it, but it has become a way of life, and she still accepts my decision.

I have never pushed my family or friends to understand how I am living, I just ask that they support my decision and autonomy to live my life the way I choose. And I feel so lucky and fortunate that my family has not and will not turn their backs on me, and will continue to love me, even if I don’t live by the same standards and views on relationships and societal norms that they believe. As my mom and aunt always said, “Shannon, you have always always marched to the beat of your own drum, we wouldn’t expect anything less, and nothing you say could completely surprise us.” 

We enjoyed the rest of the weekend. We stayed at a little country hotel in Bangor, and honestly it reminded me of the the hotel from the shining. My aunt and I had stopped for dinner, and I had, had a few drinks, so when I turned the corner and started walking down the hall that looked like the hall in the shining in which the twins were standing at the end, I playfully started saying “REDRUM” in the voice that the little boy did in the movie. My aunt laughed and said “SHANNON JOYCE!” I laughed and said, “What? I half anticipate Jack Nicholson to break down our door with an axe in the middle of the night to kill us!” She rolled her eyes at me and we continued to our room.

The concert was actually really good! I had never been to a gospel concert, but there were some songs that I recognized. My aunt is religious, and she had introduced my brother and I to religion, but she never really forced it on us. We would occasionally go to church on holidays with her, which I actually enjoyed because I loved to sing the religious Christmas music, I think that it is absolutely beautiful.  We ended up having a beautiful weekend! And I felt so relieved that I could now talk to her about a part of my life that I was still trying to figure out for myself.

Highlights/Lessons Learned:

1. Coming out was not easy for me. I was so scared of what her reaction would be. I feel fortunate in that I know my family would not disown me for making this decision for myself, but they would question me. I know other people are not as lucky. Coming out is a big and important step and should be done when you feel ready to do so. I had the unfortunate experience of being outed to my mother, and I was horrified. Please take care and do not out people who are not ready to be out. It is a privilege that you know about this person’s personal life, respect people’s right to choose when they tell other people. 
2. This hotel really did look like the hotel in the shining! My aunt finds some of the craziest places to stay!
3. My aunt and I to this day still go to several concerts and musicals throughout the year, and we are closer than ever. I am so happy that I can be open and honest with her now. It has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders. 

It was Mike’s birthday. Mike is David’s best friend, and roommate. He invited all of us to his cabin in New Hampshire for the weekend. I was so excited for a weekend away with David. Grant and Ellie were going to spend the full weekend together as well! It was going to be a romantic, but cold weekend in the white mountains. 

The trip out to the cabin was beautiful, but was a rocky road toward the end. It was very snowy, and his cabin is located on the back roads on a scenic mountain. The final hill was very steep, and it took a few tries, but we made it up! I was in awe when I saw his cabin. It was a beautiful log cabin style home, overlooking a gorgeous lake! It was small and quaint.  An interesting fact about this lake was that it was made from a volcanic crater. 

We walked into a cute little kitchen, with old wooden cabinets. It is an open floor plan, and attached to the kitchen was a small dining room and bathroom. After turning the corner in the dining room was the living room, and a beautiful open view of the lake and the mountains in the background.  Upstairs is a loft area which is the main bedroom, with a balcony that overlooks the living room, and two large windows looking over the lake as well.. The basement has a family room and two bedrooms. David and I took one of the downstairs bedrooms for the weekend, while Ellie and Grant took the room across from us.

I was very excited to see that there was a beautiful stone fireplace in the living room. We decided that we were going to start a fire that night. Mike is very into camping and outdoor events, so he was all too excited to collect firewood! He also decided that he wanted to do hot pot or Shabu Shabu for his birthday dinner. This is a Japanese way of cooking. You have a pot that you boil different broths in, and you cook your veggies, and thinly cut meats by boiling them in the pot! It is a lot of fun, and very tasty. I have found however that the spicy side is usually way too spicy for me. 

As the night went on, we all snuggled in front of the fire that David and Mike built and just talked. David was a bit distracted by Natalie who was texting him with issues about  the weekend. She was not thrilled that I was invited to Mike’s cabin. Ellie and I asked David to put his phone away and enjoy the time, we could tell that he was getting worked up and frustrated dealing with the situation. This is something that I believe was a reasonable request because when he was with her, she did not allow him talk talk to anyone else. We never said he couldn’t talk to her however, just wanted him to take a break and enjoy his time with us, it is okay to set boundaries.

David and I went downstairs to bed, and had a great night together. We may have almost broke the bed that night. We still laugh about it whenever we go to visit the cabin. The room that we were sleeping in had no windows, so the room got pitch black. You could not tell what time of day it was, so needless to say we slept very well, and slept in.

The next day for lunch we went to a local pizza restaurant that was located in an old barn. It was really neat! The food is very tasty, but the grease went right through my system. This was the first of our weekend getaways this year. David and I had been talking, and we decided that we wanted to plan a day trip together, just the two of us. I was very excited about this concept. We thought about different places that we liked, and I had never been to Gloucester. So David and I planned a day in Gloucester! He said that he loved Gloucester, and it is on the ocean, so no matter what I knew that I was going to have a good time. This day was great for us, but little did we know what else it would lead too.

Highlights/ Learned Lessons:

• It is okay to set boundaries. It is not always an easy thing to do, and sometimes you have to think about how these boundaries affect the other people involved. I always struggled with the fact that whenever David saw Natalie that he couldn’t talk to me, but if he was with me she expected him to be talking to her non stop. I finally started speaking up on my feelings about this, and the double standards that were being set. I didn’t mind him checking in with people, because I liked it when he checked in with me, it let me know he was thinking of me. But it should not consume copious amounts of your time with your partner. 
• If you have not tried hot pot (shabu shabu), you really should! It is very tasty!

Things at home were not getting any better. I was starting to see less and less of Grant because he was  working hard to help his mother find a new home. She made it verbally clear that she did not want me involved, nor did I want to be around her.  She was very particular about what she wanted. She did not want to rent, she was going to use her payoff money to put a down payment on a house of her own. Grant was going on house searches and visits with her, but nothing ever seemed to be right, or didn’t fit her requirements. So the search continued on…

It was really hard for me to be at my house. I felt I couldn’t be there, I didn’t feel safe around Grant’s mother, and especially his brother. I was feeling tremendous guilt over the fact that I would look for any excuse or reason to leave the house. But I felt like my hand was forced. If I was around the house Josephine would find any to let me know her disgust toward me.

Resentment was starting to grow between both of us, for different, yet understandable reasons on both sides. 

Grant and I were not spending very much time together at this point, between him being with his mother, and me having to be away from the house because of Josephine. Though he was doing the best he could in dealing with Josephine, It was affecting how he and I were feeling about each other. Resentment was starting to grow between both of us, for different, yet understandable reasons on both sides. 

I was feeling resentful because I felt like I was a prisoner in my own home. I had no say over the happenings in it, and if I so much as looked at someone the wrong way, my whole world could collapse. Not to mention me being away from home so much made it so I couldn’t be with my dogs as much, I couldn’t have them for long periods of time when staying with David and Ellie, their apartment complex didn’t allow it. I also felt abandoned by Grant. Everything was about his mother, and he was bending to her every whim. Though this feeling was irrational, because he had to do what he was doing, I felt alone. 

We tried hard to hold onto our love, and though we loved each other, it was beginning to feel like love just wasn’t going to be enough to save us. 

Grant felt deserted by me. And I see why. It was a losing situation for us both. He felt stuck on his own dealing with everything that his mother was throwing at us. I couldn’t be involved per Josephine, so he had no choice but to do it all on his own. Her demands on both of us made us resent each other for the roles we were forced into.  We tried hard to hold onto our love, and though we loved each other, it was beginning to feel like love just wasn’t going to be enough to save us. 

************************************************************************

David used to spend most of his weekends with Natalie. This happened because Ellie and I got to see him during the week, so she felt she deserved the weekend. During the time that he was with Natalie, Ellie and I became closer. We would hang out with each other on the weekends. We would go on day trips to various places around Massachusetts, we would do activities with her niece. She became one of my best friends.

Ellie and I decided to ask David to hang out with us one Saturday afternoon. He agreed to it, and we decided to take a day trip into Salem. Natalie was not happy about this, but David stood his ground that this was something that he wanted to do with Ellie and me. We spent the day walking around downtown Salem.

On the way we had the windows down, listening to a random mix of music that both David and I liked, ranging from the Backstreet Boys, to Eminem, to Anamanaguchi. It was a fun ride. I remember watching David in aww. I really did love him. He was sitting in the drivers seat, singing, with a big authentic smile on his face. His short brown wavy hair glistening in the sunlight let in by the sun roof. I was happy.

We went out to eat at this really cool pizza place in downtown Salem called Flying Saucer Pizza. I immediately loved it because it was decorated in space pugs! That’s what I said, PUGS!” This was right up my alley. They also had very creative pizzas, and they are beyond tasty! 

After lunch we walked around, I got to see the Bewitched statue for the first time! That was really neat, and they took me to a really cool comic book store called Harrisons Comics. They had so much paraphernalia from media ranging from anime such as Sailor Moon, to video games, and regular comics. The geek in me was in love!

One of my favorite video games growing up was Super Mario Bros. I was super excited to see plushies of characters and items from the game! I was also super excited to see a PINK Yoshi! I didn’t even know that they existed! PInk is my favorite color, and yoshi was one of my favorite characters. I had to have it. Because it was close to Easter, David bought it for me as a gift! Pink Yoshi became the protector of my car, sitting in the back window. I still have Pink Yoshi in my car to this day! 

The fact that he bought this for me today meant the world to me. The last thing that he was buying for me as a gift, I ended up having to give him money for, because Natalie didn’t want him buying me gifts on their vacation. So this was technically one of the first gifts that he gave to me, outside of a Christmas gift! 

We ended our afternoon at Salem Willows! We went down on the beach and collected sea glass! I have been collecting sea glass for years, and I put the glass in a beautiful vase. It is full of glass from different beaches that I have visited! We had some ice cream at the little shop at the end of the short strip of shops. And then we went back to their house for the night! It was a beautiful day of togetherness, and bonding between David, Ellie, and I. 

Highlights/ Learned Experiences:

!) Again, make sure when making big decisions, like buying a house, with other parties, make sure there are legal documents in writing before you make the deal.

2) You can love people so much, and sometimes you realize it’s not enough to maintain a healthy relationship.

3) It is important to advocate for your wants and needs. By Ellie and I expressing our want to spend a full day with David together, he made it happen. 

4) Pugs make me happy….. This is all.

For a few months, David and I spent our date nights going to karaoke nights at TJ Callahans. It was becoming a lot of fun, and something that I looked forward to every week. We were even starting to get a following of people who enjoyed listening to us, and would cheer for us every time we got up to sing. We even started doing some duets together! Our favorite song to sing together was “Jackson” by Johnny Cash and June Carter.

Every week I would always sing the song, ” Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morrisette. I think I can pull off a good Alanis! Her and I have pretty similar voices, and are both altos! This was a song I considered to be my warm up song. The DJ always snickers and points at David whenever I get to the part of the song that says “You’re my best friend, best friend with benefits.” We had explained to him that we were polyamorous, because he would always engage us in big conversations because we had become regulars. So this song always tickled him. He found us fascinating I think.

One of the weeks that we were there, I had ordered my all time favorite meal there, steak tip mac and cheese. If you have not had the mac and cheese at TJ Callahans, I highly recommend trying it! It is made in a  homemade cheese sauce and baked in a small cast iron skillet. You get the Shannon happy dance with every bite! But back on track, David got up and sang a song and dedicated it to me.

When he got up there and started singing the song, I was in complete aww. The lyrics were so beautiful, and reading into the meaning of the words, it felt really meaningful to me, because I was still feeling like my relationship was on a tightrope because of Natalie. It made me feel a little bit of security in our relationship, if that makes sense.

“Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around of and desert you.” – “Never Gonna Give You Up”, Rick Astley

These were words that I had been waiting for David to say to me, and he was doing it through music. Best way to get to my heart! He came back to the table afterward, and seemed all proud of himself. I told him I thought it was the most beautiful song, and the nicest thing anyone had done for me. He seemed shocked…

Why was he shocked? It was a great song. I told him that we should now make this our song, because it meant so much to me. “No. No Shannon, we can’t make it our song,” he said while starting to laugh hysterically. Apparently I was missing something. “No, this is now our song” I said to him. 

“Do you know what a Rick roll is, Shannon?” he asked me. I looked at him with a blank stare. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. He went on to explain what Rick Rolling was. It was an internet meme that apparently annoys people. He went on to tell me how he Rick Rolled his wedding with Ellie as a big joke. 

Needless to say, at whatever fancy event we go to that allows dancing, we will be Rick Rolling the event, because “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley is now David and my song to this day! 

——————————————————————————————————————–

Things at home were not getting any easier. We still had Josephine living with us, as well as Grant’s brother. It was a really hard time in my life, because I did not feel safe living in my house. I felt that if i did anything, so much as even look at Josephine, she would say I was being spiteful. The agreement that was made up was dictating my life, and I was constantly walking on eggshells.

Grant and I decided to throw a super bowl party and have some friends over. We had to end it at 10 because of the “Agreement.” We invited Ellie and David, Bianca and Liam, and some of Grants other friends as well. David was away with Natalie for the weekend, they went to Vermont, and he was supposed to be back for the super bowl party. 

He was late because Natalie stretched the time out as much as she could, she knew that he was going to be coming to my house after the trip. I was pretty upset about it, but there wasn’t much I could do. I paced, and was texting him, asking when he thought he would be here.  I knew how insecure she was with me, and I felt really bad about that, but if I did what she did, she would be just as upset if not more upset than I was. 

I had made something really special for David, for when he got there. He had just accepted a new job after being unemployed for several months. We were all so happy and proud of him. I decided to try something completely our of my comfort zone, because I knew it would be something that he would appreciate me trying. It is something that he loves to do.  I made a completely homemade chocolate cake from scratch for him. It was the first time I tried a more complicated recipe, that was not a boxed cake mix. I was super proud of how it came out. It also tasted amazing. My decorating isn’t fabulous, but I tried! I even made homemade chocolate frosting. I got the recipe from the Hershey’s cookbook. 

I continued watching the clock, and after two and a half hours, David finally pulled up to the house. I was very upset, and probably did not handle the situation as well as I should have. I was on the verge of crying and ready to have a discussion about things with him. It was starting to wear on me, the fact that he was starting to be late to our planned things whenever he was with Natalie. Recently, he had also been 3 hours late to a date night with me, because he had stayed with her, and ended up sitting in the car with her outside his apartment, while I was waiting inside, trying to calm her down about going in to see me. I ended up falling asleep in his bed before he made it in. 

When he came into the house, he seemed pretty stressed out. He said that Natalie was stating all her insecurities about our relationship on the way back from Vermont. This tugged at my heartstrings a bit, I still had tears in my eyes, but I gave him a hug and decided to talk about my issues later. He was exhausted, so  I was excited to give him the cake, I thought it might cheer him up. When he saw it, it put a big smile on his face, and I could see a little bit of the stress melt away. He gave me a big hug and a kiss, and then went to give Ellie a hug and kiss as well. He seemed very excited to see me and Ellie, he had been away for 4 days. We all sat around ate cake, watched the superbowl, and played a bunch of board games. It was a perfect end to the weekend. 

Highlights/ Lessons Learned:

1. I really need to stay up to date with internet memes apparently. However, I still get very excited to hear the song when it comes on. It makes a funny story to tell now!
2. In the beginning we were all still learning how to navigate our way through poly struggles and pitfalls. We all made mistakes, and didn’t know how to handle our emotions and how we were feeling. It was all new territory. 
3. Try to be respectful of your partner’s time with others. This could be in a variety of ways. Try not to be late to seeing them, unless there is communication as to why you are late. Sometimes life happens and it can’t be helped, but communication is key. Try to limit phone use unless it is something previously discussed. 
4. It is ok to have feelings, and it is ok to express these feelings. When dealing with other people I have found it is always good to use “I” statements, and try not to sound accusatory.  In the beginning I was not very good at owning my feelings, and taking responsibility for them. It has taken me a lot of time to be where I am today, which is still not perfect, but significantly better than I was at this point. It takes time, be patient with yourself and do a lot of introspection. 

For Christmas this year, my mom got Grant and I a pair of tickets for a night of dinner and dancing on the Spirit of Boston. This was an amazing gift, and included something I love to do, but didn’t get to do often, dance. This gave me an idea, I ran it by Grant and he was ok with it. We bought David and Ellie a pair of tickets as well so that they could join us for a night out! This was our first big Quad event. 

We decided to do the cruise for our Valentines Day outing. We didn’t do it on Valentine’s Day, but one of the weekends surrounding it. I was so EXCITED for this night out. I bought myself a new little black dress. It was a black knee length, halter dress with a rhinestone decorative belt in the front. I felt beautiful and sexy in this dress. I also splurged and got my hair done. I did a partial up, partial down updo, with a lot of banana curls. I feel that I am lucky as my hair is naturally curly, so it holds curls nicely.

After my appointment we all met at David and Ellie’s apartment to finish getting ready. When I got there, Ellie was struggling with what to do with her hair. I had brought some extra hair decorations with me, so I volunteered to help her do something nice with her hair. We also gave her a semi updo with half her hair in a ponytail, with the decorative hair pins to dress it up. 

David and Grant even got completely dressed up. They both wore their fancy black dress suits, with ties. They looked so dashing! I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have these wonderful people in my life, and we were going out to make a hopefully wonderful memory. We finished putting ourselves together and then headed to the car.

We drove into Boston, and parked across the street from the dock. Back Bay area is a beautiful place to visit at night. You have beautiful views of the harbor lit up by the boston skyline, streets of lit up with night life, as people bounced from bar to bar. It is a happening place! We got in line to board the ship. 

As the line moved forward, you got a chance to take a picture with the safety ring that said Spirit of Boston. This was our first professional quad picture! I was so excited, because the little girl in me was thinking about the Lindsay Lohan Parent Trap Movie, and that her parents fell in love on a harbor cruise, and this felt just like that. I was in love on a harbor cruise.

I may have paid a little extra to get us our own personal table with a window overlooking the ocean. I wanted tonight to be as romantic as I had the possibility to make it. Grant and I sat next to each other on one side of the table, and David and Ellie sat on the other side. We rotated around so that we could be with everyone as the night went on.

The dinner was a beautiful buffet display of many different kinds of pastas, potatoes, veggies and so much more, surrounded by beautiful cascading flowers. They even had fresh carving stations of many different kinds of meat options. Thank goodness it was a buffet, because I wanted to be able to try everything. We sat and had a beautiful dinner together, laughing, and telling stories in the candlelight of the candle on our table, and the view of the ocean, bobbing in the moonlight in the background. It was so romantic.

As the dinner hour was ending, the music switched from slow romantic dinner music, too upbeat dancing music. I was excited, and full, but that didn’t stop me from hitting the dancefloor as soon as I could. I grabbed Ellie’s hand and dragged her out to the dancefloor with me. She is fun to dance with, she has her own unique way of dancing. 

Finally David and Grant joined us on the dance floor. We all held hands and swayed to the music. I remember looking around to each of them and feeling so happy as we all danced together on the dancefloor. We took turns dancing with each other on the slow dances, and all went wild during the fast. I was on cloud 9. 

I decided to go out to the back deck and get some fresh air. David, Ellie, and Grant sat back down at the table for a few minutes. It was nice to go outside and have a few minutes to myself. As much as I love being around a lot of people, it is also pretty exhausting for me. Being alone gave me a few minutes to recharge my batteries. I am very much an extroverted, introvert. 

I looked out over the dark ocean, with only a line of glistening waves lit up by the light of the moon.

I went and rested my arms on the railing on the side of the ship. I looked out over the dark ocean, with only a line of glistening waves lit up by the light of the moon. Being on the ocean gives me such a sense of peacefulness. The cold winter air, nipping my face with the smell of the sweet sea air. I closed my eyes and just inhaled deeply, taking in this moment. 

David came out to check on me. He put his arm around me and brought me in for a romantic kiss. In looking at the beauty of the ocean, I didn’t notice the incredible view on the other side of the ship. David brought me over to see the amazing boston skyline lit up with the waves of the ocean crashing on the shoreline. It was breathtaking. 

Being outside, did not mean that you couldn’t hear the music. They had it playing all over the ship. The song Amazed by Lonestar came on, and David took me into his arms and we started slow dancing on the deck in the light of the moonlit sea with boston dancing in lights behind us. I can’t express the butterflies I felt. I felt like I was in a princess in a Disney movie, having my romantic dance with my Prince Charming, in a beautifully romantic setting. I wanted someone to pinch me to make sure that this was real. And it was, it was so real, and I was so in love.

After the song we went back inside and continued our night with everyone. It was a beautiful night all around, and one that I still remember very vividly. We all went back to Ellie and David’s place and had some adult rated fun. Needless to say, I have a thing for guys in suits. So it was a wonderfully beautiful evening for me!

Highlights/ Lessons Learned:

1. This was an amazing night. There were really no lessons learned besides the fact that it is possible to feel like a Disney princess!

“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam … And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva … So tweasure your wuv.”- Princess Bride

Almost every little girl dreams about her wedding, becoming a princess for the day, and marrying her prince charming. This past weekend was a big deal in my polycule. We celebrated the marriage of my two partners, Amie and Patrick. The whole weekend was full of love, togetherness, and fun.

I woke up at 7:30 in the morning on Saturday February 1st to start getting ready for a day of preparation before the wedding. I double checked to make sure that I had everything packed and ready to go, because we were going to stay at the Westin Copley Hotel in Boston for the night!

• Dress- check
• Shoes- check
• Bra for the Dress- Check
• Nylons- Check

After packing, I started on my adventure for the day. I was meeting up with Amie, Patrick, Amie’s other girlfriend Lily, and her best friend from Virginia at Luminous Nails, where I had made appointments for each of us to get a manicure and pedicure. The staff at the salon went all out for us. They bought us a bottle of Rose, Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider for Patrick, and a fruit platter! They also had congratulations balloons for the bride and groom. It was already starting off as a magical weekend.

When they showed up for the appointment, I was ecstatic! I hadn’t seen Amie in a few weeks. Patrick and Amie walked in with their sashes on! Amie wore a white sash that said “Bride to Be,” and Patrick wore a black sash saying “Groom to Be.” I couldn’t help but smile when I saw them both together, the other two that make our Throuple. I felt so much love, and then I saw her smile, and I melted.

We all chose different colors for our nails and toe nails, and Patrick even got his toes painted yellow! I chose silver with sparkles, and Amie did a french manicure with acrylic nails. We sat there, sipping our drinks, and feeding off of each others excitement for the weekend.

After we were finished, we went out to eat at Vic’s Waffle House in Tewksbury/Lowell. If you have not been to this place, you should, it has some of the best breakfasts I have ever had. And given the name, they have phenomenal waffles! My fiance Scott met us there to eat!

While we were waiting for the food to be prepared, Amie got so excited and showed us the wedding line up for the next day using Salt and Pepper shakers (the bride and groom), and equal packets (groomsman), and Sweet and Low packets (Bridesmaids). It was very creative, and very amusing!

We all broke our diets for the weekend. We have all been working really hard at the Keto diet. I am down 60lbs! But their wedding was a great weekend to cheat. I ended up getting the biscuits and gravy (one of my all time favorite breakfasts), and a chocolate milk. Yes, I am a big kid.

I continued my day from here by heading back to the house to get David. David and Scott were groomsman in the wedding, and I was a bridesmaid! Amie and Patrick headed into Boston to get settled in their room. We made a few more stops, at the Billerica Smoke Shop to pick up cigars for the Bride and Groom, and then headed into Alewife to pick up the train into the hotel.

After we arrived at the hotel, Amie took us to see the room that they were getting married in. They got married at the hotel in the Gloucester Room. When we walked into the double doors, we walked into a beautiful small room, with chandeliers that looked like white fireworks going off in the air. It was absolutely gorgeous. Amie and I held hands, and I could feel her excitement.

Patrick went and looked out the window, and he was like “Oh My God! Really?” We all went to the window to see what he was looking at. And he continued to tell us that one of his work stops for Boston Duck Tours was right outside the window at the Prudential Building. We all started to laugh. Dr. Fabulous (which is his stage name for the Duck Tours) will now be able to point out where he got married to Mrs. Fabulous on his tour!

Later on that night we went out to a Brazilian Steakhouse for dinner called Fogo de Chao. We met up with Amie’s sister and her brother-in-law for the dinner. This was an amazing experience, and the food was exceptional. If you have never been to a Brazilian Steakhouse, it is basically all you can eat meat. They come out with different cuts of different kinds of meat ranging from Chicken, to fillet mingion. We also indulged is some amazing deserts.

That night we all piled into Amie and Patricks room and just talked and snuggled, and slowly slid into food comas. A nice calm night before the big day.

The Big Day

My alarm went off at 7:30am again, however, I was already awake. I was so excited to start the day. I got up, took a shower and put on some clothes to start the day. David and I went to Starbucks to pick up breakfast and coffee for everyone, because we were all going to need a lot of caffeine today.

When I got back to Amie and Patricks room, the makeup artist and the hair dresser arrived. Amie got her makeup done first, using beautiful rose gold tones; and I got my hair done. This took several hours, and the bridal party all began to arrive, including Patrick’s mother and father!

When Amie was finished with her hair and makeup, words can’t describe the love I felt looking at her. She was breath-takingly stunning. She was radiating beauty, excitement, and love. It brought tears to my eyes. Looking into her beautiful brown eyes melted my heart. And then she put her wedding dress on, and the butterflies in my heart flew!

Patrick was beyond handsome. He dressed in his families tartan kilt, complete with flashes and a sporran. To add to the affect of the day, he wore his Dread Pirate Roberts sword, because the big theme surrounding their wedding was “The Princess Bride.” This movie is Amie’s favorite of all time. Patrick proposed to her while they were watching the movie.

I finished getting ready. I put on my yellow dress with white polka dots, and went to show Amie and Patrick. They both gave me the biggest smile. I could see the love in their eyes. I felt more beautiful today than I had ever felt before.

There was so much excitement filling the room, and so much positive energy. Not to mention a lot of good liking people dressed in suits, including my fiance Scott, and my boyfriend David. Soon it was time to make our way down the the Gloucester Room to line up to walk down the aisle. We all grabbed our bouquets, of a beautiful assortment of white and yellow flowers, that Amie’s sister had put together for everyone, and went to the elevators to take us to the spot where Amie and Patrick would become man and wife!

The violin started, playing the Game of Thrones theme song, and Patrick began down the aisle with his mother. Everyone followed close behind him. When it was my turn, I locked arms with Scott and we proceeded out to the aisle. I first saw some of my friends as I entered the room, Then I made eye contact with Patrick and we just smiled at each other. I could see all the love and happiness in his eyes, and I felt warm inside.

Soon we were all up front, and the JP announced for people to stand for the bride. The violin started and out came this beautiful angelic goddess. Tears welled in my eyes with so much happiness. Amie was holding hands with Patrick’s father as he walked her down the aisle.

I turned to look at Patrick, I have heard you should always look at the groom the first time they see their bride, and this is for a good reason. Patrick had an ear to ear smile as he watched Amie make her way to him. Tears started forming in his eyes, tears of joy.

The ceremony was absolutely beautiful. Their vows were very well thought out, and to my surprise really focused a lot on their poly lives. They vowed to respect and support their other relationships, and realize that they do not complete each other, they compliment each other. Words couldn’t express the happiness and pride I felt for these two! Patrick also wrote a beautiful vow to his new son, this is Amie’s son from a previous marriage. He vowed to love him and take care of him, it was heartfelt and sincere.

Going into the wedding I was a little nervous, because this is a day that there was a lot of change. Many thoughts had been running through my head prior to the wedding. Will they still love me the same? Will I mean less now that they are married? It was all irrational thought, but it was there.

And then the JP announced that they were man and wife and that they could kiss, and all of my fears went away. I wasn’t scared anymore, I was so happy. Happy for my two loves who just vowed to be in each others lives forever, and I knew that I would hold a big place in that life. I felt compersion like I had never felt it before. Compersion is the feeling of happiness you feel when you see your loved one with another, and at one point in my life I didn’t think I would ever be able to feel it. But today I felt it beyond what words can measure. Two of my loves have found so much happiness in each other, and with me.

After the ceremony we did all of the wedding pictures. The photographer was amazing. Amie and Patrick thought of every combination of picture possible. And even made sure that they got special pictures with the people in our polycule. I also got a special picture with the two of them, just the throuple. I felt so important and so loved.

The next stop after getting pictures done, was Lolita Mexican Restaurant. I love Mexican food, and this place was amazing. There was not one bad thing off of the wedding menu. I especially liked the tacos! We did the traditional garter and bouquet toss! And then got ready for the wedding cake!

They also made an amazing wedding cake. They brought it out and on top was a little cake topper of an owl and a fox. Amie is the owl, and Patrick is the fox. They are their spirit animals.

They cut their cake in the most unique way! They cut it with Patrick’s sword! It was really funny, and really amazing. We got an Uber back to the hotel and started the after party in their room. It was full of dancing, laughing, and David and I sang a song to Amie and Patrick. We sang “I See the Light” from the movie tangled.

This weekend brought so much to light for me. I have never been more secure in my relationships than I have been feeling. I am surrounded by love, and seeing two of the loves of my life get married, has made me excited for my wedding to Scott in July!

Amie and Patrick, I love you infinitely and forever! Thank you for sharing this most important day in your lives with me. I wish you so much happiness and love in your lives together, I look forward to seeing where our journey takes us!