It was a year of learning, growing, and evolving. I have had an amazing year of many new experiences, and really focusing on what is important to me and how I want to spend my time.

My relationships this year have thrived. I am still going strong with David. This year we celebrated our 9 year anniversary! Can you believe it? Our relationship has seen so many good times, and so many hard times. We basically learned how to navigate multiple relationships with each other. He has been and will continue to be an important part of my life!

Scott and I are technically 2 years married, but have been together for 6. I love him very much. Scott has pushed me to grow in many ways this year. He was interested in dating someone he had dated previously in the past, who was parted with on bad terms. Admittedly this was hard for me. It was putting me in a position that at first I wanted absolutely nothing to do with because I felt very hurt by everything that had happened. I saw him wanting to go back with this person as a betrayal of sorts. But in reality it wasn’t a betrayal.

After I took a step back and looked at the situation as a whole, I know we both said and made decisions that had hurt one another. And is it something that I really wanted to hold onto negative energy about? No, it wasn’t. Plus I want my husband to be happy. So I set my feelings aside, and am working toward forgiveness. 

This is something that I have really learned throughout the years, as much as I would love to be on good terms and be friends with all of my metamours, it isn’t always necessary. And that will be the case here. In the end I just want to be happy, and if it is not directly hurting my relationship with him, then just let it be. This is something that I would not have been able to do several years ago. But I have learned to be secure in myself which has made it easier for me to be secure in my relationships with my partners. 

Like I said before, this year has been a lot of focusing on myself. I should say it’s really been the past few years. I found that I was starting to be codependent in my relationships after the pandemic, and was afraid to be alone. It has been a goal to really find myself and embrace it. I have been experimenting with my look. I have been dying my hair in all different colors, and finding a style to makes me feel like me, and not what society thinks I should be. I have found that I am a very colorful person, I and I am a mermaid at heart! I have been in therapy to help me navigate my feelings, and because of me taking the time to focus on myself, I am at a place that I am very happy with. 

One of my big goals has been that I have wanted to travel more. This year I made that happen! I took a trip to Las Vegas with my household and that was an adventure. It was fun and stressful at the same time! While we were there I got to see the Grand Canyon for the first time! It was breathtaking, and pictures that you see really do not do it justice. It is surreal to see the canyon for miles. I even got to see a group of people go down the canyon on horses and donkeys! It was amazing!

It all was going well and good until we went to get a group picture and Ellie fell and gashed her knee open on a very sharp rock. She ended up getting taken out of the canyon with David by ambulance because she needed over 20 stitches and a surgical clean. What made this hard was that we had taken a tour bus to the canyon. So myself, Scott, and my roommate continued on with the tour, and David and Ellie ended up almost 2 hrs further away from Vegas and had to find a ride home that night because the bus couldn’t wait. The rest of the week we had to push Ellie around in a wheelchair. This was definitely an experience I will never forget. 

While we were in Vegas we got to see so many cool things! We saw some amazing shows like Blue Man Group, and Cirque Du Soleil “O.” We also went to different museums like the Neon Museum, and the Mob museum, as well as the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay. Las Vegas is a lot of fun, but also a whole lot of walking! I am so glad that I got to have this experience with my Poly family!

I also took another big trip to California! I went to the big D23 Conference in Anaheim, and had a lot of firsts while I was there. I am a huge Disney Nerd, and identify as a mermaid princess! I grew up watching Disney and it has always been a big part of my life. So when I got a chance to go to the conference that celebrated everything Disney, I was ecstatic. I went with David and one of our friends who is also a huge DisNerd. 

While we were there we didn’t only enjoy the amazing conference, but I got to put my feet in the Pacific Ocean for the first time in my life, which was a bucket list check off for me! I also got to go to Disneyland for the very first time! I have been to Disney World in Florida many, many times. But I had never been to this one. And on top of it we got to see it during the Halloween season! I have always wanted to see Disney at Halloween. Especially because they do a whole Nightmare Before Christmas Theme in the Haunted Mansion! The one hard part about this trip however, was the fact that I was in a wheelchair for this one. When I booked this trip, I didn’t realize that right before I was supposed to take this trip, I was going to be getting a surgery that would change my life forever!

For years I have been living with PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome), and over the last few years it had become severely painful. I did a series of tests with my OBGYN and found out that I also had endometriosis, and 6 fibroids. And on top of that, one of the fibroids was half the size of my uterus. No wonder I was in such severe chronic pain! I haven’t known a day without some degree of pain and soreness since I was 18 when I started developing Ovarian Cysts. The tests also showed a significant amount of hard scarred tissue from the endometriosis. So we made the decision that It was time for me to get a hysterectomy. So in August I got a full hysterectomy and am now on hormone replacement. I do not regret it for a second. 

The recovery was difficult. I was in a lot of pain and had allergic reactions to some of the forms of hormone replacement we tried, but we finally found something that worked. Now I feel like a whole new person, and I have been re-discovering my body, and just life without being in any pain! It has drastically improved my quality of life. If I decide down the road that I want to have a child, I can adopt. There are many children out there who need a good home. 

This year brought so much good and happiness to my life. But in July it also brought me one of the biggest heartbreaks that I have ever known. I lost my fur baby of 15.5 years, Maximus the Pug. I had known that he was declining, he finally got to a point where he didn’t want to eat (which completely was not him) and he was very lethargic, so I made the decision it was time for us to say goodbye to this little angel. It was the hardest and easiest decision that I ever had to make. It was easy in that I knew that I was not going to let him suffer, but hard in that I had to/ still am learning how to live my life without him. 

I decided that we were going to have him cross the rainbow bridge at home using an amazing company called Lap of Love. in his last few weeks we did everything that he loved doing. We took him to the beach, we took him to the beach, we brought him for ice cream, he got so many snuggles, and all of his favorite treats. I also took time to write him a letter, and I read it to him before they came. This is what I wrote to him:

Dear Max, 

     I remember the day that I first saw you, you were so excited hopping up and down in your pen with that little curly tail flopping around on top of your body, and your little smoosh face giving me kisses all over my face as I picked you up.. I knew when we met that you were going to be mine, and  I was going to be yours. I swear you chose me that day.

            You have been my baby for close to 16 years, two years shy of  legal age to leave the house.  You will always be my baby and I cherish all the memories we have with each other. 

     I remember the first time you saw your new home, then it was in Saugus. You were so tiny and so excited. You zoomed across the floors and slid under the furniture! You were so silly! 

     I remember your first big snow! You were jumping around in your little silver winter coat, eating the snowflakes, and just happy to be with me. 

     From all of the moves we made together, the vacations to the beach, going to Vermont to visit your Grammie, all the hikes, and trips to the store, walking in the pride parade, snuggling and watching movies, and snuggling at night to go to sleep. I also can count on you to protect me from the horses on TV. Somehow you always know they’re there and you let the whole house know it! I really wish I knew why you hate horses. (lol) 

     But you have also been my light in some really dark times. You helped get me through losing my Papa, losing a dear friend from college, a divorce, losing your sister Belle and brother Cujo, hard times at work, and most recently getting through a very hard pandemic. Thank you for always being there for me, you have always been a hug and snuggle when I needed it most, and when I was sobbing and feeling helpless. I can always count on you! I love you. 

       I want you to know that you are so loved, and have been since the day I laid eyes on you. And I am so glad that you have the love of so many people. Your family is big and we adore you. You’ve gained so many nicknames like Maxy-doo, doodlebug, doodles, pugalug, sir, puggy squish face, puggy spuddy, and so many more. 

      I am so proud to be your mama, you have done so much in your little life, and have had a very happy life as I remember and can see in your pictures. You always had and still have a happy derpy smile on your face, that always makes me smile. I am so glad you found me and chose me! 

        Pretty soon we are going to have to say goodbye, and I haven’t quite figured out how I’m supposed to do that. You have been an enormous piece of my life for so long, I can’t imagine not having you there  wagging your tail  and excited to see me at the end of the day. I can’t imagine not having you to snuggle with. But I also can’t imagine letting you live in pain and discomfort. 

       You and I have a strong bond, we always have. And I can see and feel the pain in your eyes among the excitement as well. I have seen the look of defeat in your eyes when you can’t stand up to go to your food and water dish, and when your legs fall out from under you and you don’t understand why. It breaks my heart. 

       I love you so much Maximus, so much that I am willing to let you go if it means you will no longer hurt. It is the hardest thing I have had to do, but it’s also my last act of love for you. You won’t be alone. You will be surrounded by the people you love and who love you, in your home, so you don’t need to be scared. I will hold you through it all  so you know you are safe and loved, sooo loved. I will be there with, and for you as you cross the rainbow bridge and drift into peace. You have never let me be alone in my times of need, and I will not leave you alone either. 

      I have done the best I can to be a good mama and give you a good, fun, and love filled life. I feel I have. And you little Max, you are a tiny being with a mighty will to live and a huge heart. You have been so many things to so many people. A good snuggle, a friendly greeting, a therapist, a shoulder to cry on, a loyal friend, and an  irreplaceable member of our family. You will always be my baby and my good boy. You have forever left a pug sized paw print in my heart, and there you will always stay.  You are my primary pug. We had an amazing adventure together! 

I love you too the moon and back, 

Your Mama

When the veterinarian arrived, she explained the whole process to us, and gave us the time we needed to say our goodbyes. She gave him a chocolate chip whoopie pie while she was starting the injections, and he loved every bit of it. He was so happy. He soon after crossed the rainbow bridge in my arms, surrounded by everyone he loved. We made it as peaceful and stress free for him as we could. He was a good boy, and a dog loved by all who happened to meet him.

Through the support of my friends and family, and all of the beautiful memorials and pictures of him, I have been grieving, and healing. I still think about him and smile but also cry. That little dog brought so much joy to my life, and I am happy that I could give him a life full of pure happy puggy joy. 

Soon after this, came a memory I would never forget. I got to see Sir Elton John in concert at Gillette Stadium. I got dressed up in the most rainbowy outfit I could and went and sang and danced my heart away to his legendary music at his farewell tour. It was a memory that I got to share with my mom, step dad and one of my best friends! This was definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

My love has been evolving. I have been exploring different kinds of relationships. From casual to long long distance. In October I met a person who has stolen my heart pretty quickly! We are new and learning about each other! But I am very excited to see where this adventure will bring me.

What do I hope for, for 2023? Some of my goals are to get back on track with my health and weight goals. I am also going to continue on my journey of personal growth. I am a strong woman and have been learning to put my happiness first. I  plan to do more traveling this year, and try new things. I plan to love a lot, and spend time with my family both biological and chosen. I plan to work on forgiveness in all thing in order to not hold negativity in my life. If there is something I have really learned, life is too short, fill it up with experiences and memories that fill your heart with joy. That is what I plan to do. Happy New Year to you all! I wish you all a healthy and Happy 2023!

Coming into the polyamorous lifestyle I did a lot of research. I read many books, and talked to many people living in this lifestyle about their experiences. And I learned that there are many different styles that people have categorized themselves under in their own personal journeys. 

The styles that I was introduced to were: 

1. Kitchen Table Polyamory
2. Solo Polyamory
3. Hierarchical Polyamory
4. Relationship Anarchy in Polyamory 
5. Parallel Polyamory

What is interesting is that different people may not follow one particular style, they may integrate different styles together to best meet the needs of the people in their polycules, and what works best for them personally. The Wiki dictionary defines a polycule as “All of the people linked through their relationships, usually romantic and/or sexual, to one or more members of a polyamorous group.”

In this post I will be talking about the differences between the styles, and defining what they are. Let’s start with my favorite “Kitchen Table Polyamory.” 

Kitchen Table Polyamory

The Wikipedia page on Polyamory defines this as “a style in which all members of a particular polycule are comfortable and connected enough with each other that it is not uncommon for them to literally gather around the kitchen table. Practitioners of this style may spend holidays, birthdays, or other important times together as a large group. This style places an emphasis on family-style connections, not all members are necessarily sexually or romantically involved with every other person in the group.”

This is the style that my polycule has been striving to succeed in. Currently I live with my husband , Scott, my other nesting partner David, and his wife (my metamour), and another member of our poly family.  We share all the common areas, and all pitch into the costs of living. Our house has also become a focal point for our whole polycule. We host many holidays, birthdays, engagement parties, pool parties, and just provide a place for people to come and decompress. It is not unusual to see people who don’t live here, but are in our polycule at the house, and are contributing members of our poly family. 

This has brought so much support to our polycule as a whole. Some of my metamours have children with other partners, or are looking to have children in the future. We all work together to support everyone’s lives and needs in respectful ways. In our polycule it has bettered the lives of the children involved, because they now have many adult parental figures who love them, and help take care of them.

Solo Polyamory

Solo Polyamory is a practice of being in multiple relationships, but not having a “nesting” or “co- habitating” partner. Sometimes this is by choice, and sometimes people just have not found the people they would like to experience living with. This is a style that is open to interpretation. 

I have many friends in my poly circle who practice solo polyamory for various reasons. I have some friends who love to go on dates, but need their own personal space to live. Some people can’t live with others, and this is ok, and it is ok to have those boundaries for yourself. I also have some friends that are dating and still waiting to find someone who they feel they could live with. 

I have not personally practiced solo polyamory since I started on my journey, because I entered being married, and though I am divorced from Grant now, I have been with David since entering into this lifestyle, and he is now a nesting partner, so I can not speak from personal experience in this style of polyamory.

 I have heard from many of my friends that being solo poly when you want a nesting partner can be difficult. To them it seems that most people who want a nesting partner already have one, and may not be interested in having another. I could see this as being frustrating, and challenging emotionally. Be patient, sometimes it pops up when you least expect it!

Hierarchical Polyamory

Hierarchical Polyamory is still the practice of having multiple loving, and consensual relationships, the difference is there is a ranking system of the different relationships, where you have one person who is your primary partner. A primary partner is a partner that takes priority over your other relationships. 

Many people who enter into polyamory married, will drift toward hierarchical polyamory. It is seen as a safe route in which you can set up rules to protect your relationship. And this is ok, and works for many people, people can practice in whatever way they choose, It is important to communicate this when entering a new relationship, because not all people are ok with this kind of structure. 

I will admit I have come across a few situations where I have struggled being in a hierarchical relationship as the secondary. But this is normal to feel, you are only human, and no one likes to feel like the second and feeling like your feelings will never take priority over the primary partner. 

The hierarchical style is one that generally gets a bad rep in the poly community. Like any style it has its pros and cons. But communication is Key. If you are in a hierarchical relationship make sure to tell any new relationships that this is the case, and what this means to you, and what you have to offer a new relationship. 

Relationship Anarchy in Polyamory

Relationship Anarchy is really its own thing, but it does have a place in polyamory for some. Relationship anarchy in polyamory means that you look at each of your relationships with equality. No relationship takes importance over another. A lot of people strive for this, but it is not always easy. This is because in the end some people will get more than others for different reasons.

One of my nesting partners, David,  considers himself a relationship anarchist. He doesn’t love any of his relationships more than the other. But there is the issue of time. He does have to spread his time between multiple people, and some get more than others because of lifes’ circumstances. He is married and lives with me, his nesting partner, so we do see him more frequently than some of his other partners. 

There is also a common misconception in poly relationships, that because you live with one of your partners, that you see them all the time, and get a lot of quality time with them. This is not the case. Living together makes way to a new structure of living. We have to set up boundaries for space. We can be in the same house and not be together, also we have time with our other partners. Just because people live together does not equal a lot of quality time.

Parallel Polyamory

Parallel Polyamory is when you are in multiple meaningful relationships, but they never intersect anywhere. Many times one partner does not want to know any details about what you do in your other relationships, they exist separately from each other. The times that they do hear about things, is if there is something important that must be discussed. 

I guess the easiest way to explain this is, I am in a relationship with you, you are in a relationship with another person, but I don’t want to be friends with the other person , or hear about the other relationship unless there is something important. 

I personally find this way of Polyamory hard, because so much of being polyamorous is based on good communication. This may make it hard for some people to come forward if something happens accidentally. When practicing this style of Polyamory, it is ok to not want to hear the sexy details of other relationships, but always stay open to talk if it is important

My Polyamorous Style

My Polyamorous style has evolved over time, given what is happening in my life. When I entered polyamory I was married, so we entered into it in a hierarchical structure. Over time this had changed. 

I don’t restrict my love in any of my relationships. All of my relationships are different, and I love all of my partners differently. All relationships are going to be different. The differences in my relationships is the amount of time that I can give to each person. Scott, my husband, I see up to three nights a week, if not more. He is my anchor partner. David is my nesting partner and we try to schedule 1 night a week with each other. These are all negotiated times, and work for each of us. If it doesn’t work for someone we renegotiate. 

Balancing relationships is a lot of work and takes a lot of communication and flexibility for things to change. This is something I am still not perfect at, I struggle when plans change last minute, but I know that if it happens it is for a good reason. Be aware that how you feel about polyamory, and what you want for yourself changes over time, and your styles may change, or you may have multiple at once! It is ok, just negotiate and communicate with those that you love!

What is Polyamory?

When I started writing my blog “My Poly Life”, I received many comments asking what Polyamory is. That is a very interesting question because, I personally believe that there is not one way to define polyamory, because it means something different to everyone who practices it.  I guarantee that if you ask anyone practicing polyamory what it means to them, you will get varied answers of a similar concept. 

The Miriam-Webster Dictionary defines Polyamory as :

“: the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time”

This, in basic terms, is the definition of Polyamory. But there are many pieces to what makes polyamory, and what makes polyamorous relationships work and be successful. It is, like the definition says,  being able to have more than one romantic and loving relationship, but “how do you make that work?”  is a question that I hear frequently. This is a completely controversial concept to what the media and norm says we are supposed to do. 

The detail in the definition provided on Wikipedia,  I feel captures the essence of how polyamory works:

“Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin amor, “love“) is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy“. People who identify as polyamorous believe in an open relationship with a conscious management of jealousy; they reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.”

I want you to sit back, and think for a minute. Let’s think about how many people we all love in our lives. Do you love your mom? Your Dad? Your Siblings? Your Grandparents? How about your best friend? Or any of your other friends? Do you love your pets? Why is it ok to love all of them limitlessly, but it’s not ok to love more than one person romantically? This is something that I had questioned for a long time. To me, there was no reason I didn’t have enough love to give, my love knew no boundaries, however my time did. But this has lead to the question of “why do you want more than one lover or relationship?” 

Well, why do people want anything in their lives? To better their lives, and themselves, and to  be happy. I have heard some people say that it is selfish to be with more than one person because you are not putting your all into “the one.” To me, loving more than one person is not a selfish act, to me it is a selfless act. I am sharing my partners awesomeness with others, and seeing how happy it makes not only my partners and my metamours (someone who shares the same partner as you), but me as well, and they feel the same about sharing all of me. 

My partners all meet different needs in my life. I believe it is unreasonable for me  to expect one person to have to be my everything.  In polyamorous relationships, being with  different people brings unique expeireinces to your life, and different people meet different needs. For example, it could be something small, like my husband Scott hates horror movies, so I have other partners that fill that need for me, because I love horror movies.  Or on a larger scale, my partner David is a socialite, he fills my need for going out and being around people, whereas I have people who fill my homebody introvertedness. Different people can balance your life in different ways. Well you may ask , don’t you get jealous? People who practice polyamory  are not exempt from feeling  jealousy and envy. It is all about how you process and handle it.  In order to maintain any relationship, monogamous or polyamorous,  it is important to have open communication, honesty, and trust.

Commonly Polyamory is mistaken for swinging or polygamy. They do have some similar characteristics, however are not completely the same. Swinging can be a part of polyamory, just the same as it could be something you do to spruce up your love life when monogamous. Swinging is the act of freely engaging in sex or group sex. Though there is nothing wrong with this, polyamory focuses on the connections and the building of meaningful relationships. People who are polyamorous can also be swingers, it depends on what the boundaries you have negotiated wth your partners are. 

Polygamy is based on marriage in which only one of the spouse’s, of either sex, may have more than one mate at the same time. This is different than Polyamory in that, practicing Polyamory is when people in committed relationships, either married or not, are able to find and be in loving committed relationships with other people as well. It is not limited to one person being able to be romantic with others, but both.

I respect how people choose to live their lives. If being monogamous, a swinger ect.  works for you and you are happy, I am so happy for you. I was monogamous a majority of my life. I grew up dreaming of finding “the one.” However, I have found that “the one” just did not exist for me. I was attracted and drawn to so many different people. So when I found out that Polyamory existed, I knew that it was the right path for me, and I became happier than I had ever been. Mind, having multiple relationships is a lot of work, and isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but I am more authentically myself, and this made my life better. 

Living a polyamorous life is not right for everyone, and I can appreciate this. My goal is to educate people, not to turn people. I want people to do what comes naturally to them, and what makes them happy. But I am happy to teach you what I have learned in my personal journey, and even if it’s not for you, maybe you can learn to accept our decisions as well. One of the biggest  lessons I have learned is to not underestimate your capacity to love, your heart is much bigger than you think. 

When I woke up the morning of July 17, I got up full of energy and ready to take on the day. I put on my Ariel dress because it would be easy to change out of when it was time to put on my bridal gown. And threw my hair up in a ponytail to head downstairs and prepare for the hair dresser, make up artist, and my brides people and family to show up. It was Scott and my big day and I was ready for it.

This was going to be the first big event where we were going to see a majority of our friends and family since covid started. It was a big deal. And though I wanted things as close to perfect as I could get them. I just wanted the day to be full of love and fun. 

I went downstairs and started setting up the gift area. I put a white shiny sequin tablecloth down and put my bridal gifts on it decoratively. I got my brides people hand made wire sea glass necklaces done by my friend Sara!  I got my mom a daughter and a mother of the Bride bracelet to wear that day. A symbol of how important she is in my life and our connection. I also got my aunt of honor a special aunts bracelet! 

My brother and sister in-law got me pretty good with a gift that they gave me. The got me a pin with a picture of my papa in it so he could be present at my wedding as well, to add to my bouquet. As you know I was really close with my grandfather.

David was up early as well to help out with the logistics of the morning. He had ordered and prepared a breakfast spread from our favorite local donut shop called Donna’s Donuts! They were delicious and  baked that day!  And me being the nerd I am, put up a Lord of the Rings Sign above the food. It was perfect. 

My mom and aunt were the first to show up of course. They are always on time if not early! Max was very happy to see everyone and was also dressed up for the occasion. He had a little black bow tie that said “I Do Too!” 

Soon after my hairdresser Michelle came with her assistant,  from Marilyn James Beauty in Somerville, MA. Michelle is amazing with color. She put the beautiful teal in my hair for the day. We played with color until I found exactly what I wanted. It was the perfect mermaid hair! 

She is always super prepared and had made a schedule with the makeup artist from Makeup By Yela so that everyone who wanted to get made up would have the time to do so, as my wedding party was quite large. 

It was a lot of fun watching everyone get done up. There was a lot of laughter and fun that morning. At one point I looked like a woman from the 50s with huge hair rollers in my hair! 

And of course it wouldn’t be a party in my household without someone doing shots at 9 am in the morning. My sister and David toasted my wedding early to get the party started! 

After everyone was finished getting ready we started dispersing to head to the event hall. Ellie took the puppers to their care for the day. Our friends and owner of a rescue called All Senient Beings, watched both dogs for the day for us. It was important to find good care for especially Max who has a lot of special needs being a senior pug who has seizures. 

I rode to the venue with my mom and aunt. I felt like a mermaid princess! I Loved how my hair turned out and my dress was perfect! When we got to the hall, I went into the reception hall to help finish setting up! My planner and friend from Necessities, and friends were all there helping make this magical event come alive. I watched from the balcony overlooking the gazebo as all of our guests started to arrive. Some of these people I hadn’t seen in a very long time. 

The time grew closer for the ceremony to start, and for some reason I wasn’t nervous at all. I felt that everything about this day was just right. I was very excited when the little boy that I nanny for spotted me and came up to the balcony to say hello. He looked at me suspiciously because I wasn’t wearing my glasses, I was wearing a very fancy dress! And my hair was down. It was like I was a whole new person to him. But he gave me the biggest hug and asked me if we would still have our dance! I told him of course! We had been practicing our dance for a month at that point. 

I could hear Tara downstairs getting everyone ready and lined up! I can always count on her to keep order in a large group of people! My mom and I were coming in from the balcony, my bridal party was coming in from downstairs. I was going for a grand entrance! 

The music started playing. Concerning Hobbits by the Vitamin String Quartet was the song that the bridal party walked down too! Scotts part of the party looked amazing in their khaki shorts and tops with their marvel character boutineers. Each person got to choose a marvel character that was their favorite, and we put a miniature of that character into their boutineers.  My half of the party looked lovely in their ocean colors themed dresses and their parasols! 

“Kiss the Girl” by Colbie Collait stayed playing and that was the cue for my mom and I to start making our way down the staircase to make out way down the aisle. We held hands and started dancing a little to the beat.  It’s a faster version of the song. 

When I got to the bottom of the stairs, all of a sudden I heard a little voice yell “Ms. Shannon!” and down the aisle, a curly boy came running to give me a hug with his mom running behind. The Little boy I nanny for and I have a very sweet little relationship. This made me smile even though his mom looked mortified. I told her it was ok. It made my day that much more happy and memorable!

Once I got to Scott, I gave my mom a kiss, and David started the ceremony! 

David:

Please be seated. 

I would like to start this ceremony with a quote by Samantha from the movie “Her:” 

“A heart is not a box that you fill up, it expands the more you love.” 

Welcome family, friends, metamours, and partners of the bride and groom. It is no accident that each of you are here today, and each of you were invited to be here because you represent someone important in the individual and collective lives of Scott and Shannon. Today we are all here to celebrate love. The love between Scott and Shannon, their love for you all, and your love for them. 

Scott and Shannon have chosen each other, day after day, to share in each other’s incredible moments and to assist in making each other’s dreams a reality. 

The commitment they have made with each other is expressed through equality, mutual respect, hard work and love. Scott and Shannon bring with them the experiences which drew them together and their dedication to their personal growth both individually and within each other.

They bring the intentions of their hearts as a treasure to be shared with limitless love, with each other, and with their loved ones. They do so with patience, trust, compersion, and a loving sense of humor. 

I’ve known Shannon and Scott for quite a while now, and I’m honored to be here today to officiate the ceremony of two of my favorite people. I love you both dearly and personally vow to support you both as you both support me. You’ve built not just a lasting relationship with me, but also a tightly knit social circle that I think we all cherish, most of whom are gathered here today.

Some family and friends would like to share a few words about the bride and groom. Introducing Colton: 

Hello everyone!

When my sister asked me to write something sappy for her today I immediately started to think of everything I could say to embarrass the crap out of her.  But if I talked about everything that I thought of I would be talking through the night.  So, I’ll just stick to a couple stories and throw in some sappy things here and there.

I think it’s appropriate to start this out with how Shannon and I met. I was born in Worcester and she visited me at the hospital for the first couple days of my life. Well, for whatever reason Shannon did not expect to see me at home only after a couple days. Truthfully, I don’t think she expected to see Baby CJ at home ever. So, when she walked through the door after being picked up from wherever she was, she said in a very irritated tone and a loud volume, “YOU BROUGHT IT HOME!?” Yes, Shannon, Mom brought me home. You are no longer the only child. However, Shannon’s little mind got creative and I think she started to like having me around. She started to blame things on me throughout the years. For example, our mother came walking in the living room one day and saw “S-H-A-N-N-O-N” written on the wall with crayons. She very convincingly said that I wrote that….  Keep in mind that I wasn’t even talking at the time. 

Shannon and I actually became pretty good friends about 15 years later.  I’ll admit – it was me, the younger brother, who prolonged our sibling rivalry. I mean, you would go nuts too if you listened to hours of singing on a $30 karaoke machine, Every – Single – Day. Where I’m going with this is… Shannon brought me to my first ever party with alcohol. I am pretty sure, though never confirmed it, that Shannon talked to our mom and said “he’s going to do this anyway, wouldn’t you want him to do it with me?”  Mom, what were you thinking?  As much as I appreciate you letting me go to this party with Shannon and her friends, it was because of this night that I can’t even think about Wild Turkey without my stomach turning… I’m talking about the bourbon here – not the bird. 

Speaking of the bird – one Thanksgiving I was playing around with one of my turkey calls, the kind that goes in your mouth.  Shannon could not figure out how to use it, she tried and tried, and failed every time.  She was instructed by our step-grandfather that she had to flap her arms in order for it to work.  Y’all know Shannon, y’all know she tried this. You wouldn’t believe it… it worked! She was literally flapping her arms around our kitchen sounding like a turkey!

Ok ok… sappy time?

Shannon, Scott, I am so happy for you two.  You two are awesome people with really big hearts.  I am happy to welcome Scott into our family and I look forward to getting to know you better.  I look forward to many more family vacations, holidays, and any other random gatherings we may do.  I know Declan loves his Auntie and Unkie, and I am sure little Walter Benjamin will too.  Shannon, I am happy to call you my sister, and I am certain you hooked onto a good fish here.  If you release him back into the sea you may experience that bag of pennies again.  

Raise your glasses for Shannon and Scott. For two people who deserve all the happiness in the world. For a couple that we all know will support each other through the hard times and will treasure the good times. Shannon and Scott, remember this toast, because everyone here agrees with me that you two are meant to be with each other.  I love you both.  Cheers.

And now we’ll have Cheri to say a few words

Shannon and Scott’s Wedding Reading –  2021

Mister Fred Rogers: on Love

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time.”

These are the words of the late Mr Fred Rogers – the iconic and beloved creator and host of the TV series Mr Rogers Neighborhood. He is the voice of nostalgia for many of us children of the ’90s, ’80s, and earlier. Many of us STILL turn to his wisdom today as we strive to live a life of kindness and love.

Shannon and I both met Scott at the same event in 2016, 5 years ago! Over the years I’ve witnessed friendship and love grow deeper between them. No, it wasn’t always easy, but they put in the work to build a solid foundation while still navigating their other relationships AND growing as individuals and as partners. (Turn page)

I’d like to read some additional words of wisdom on Love by the late Mr Fred Rogers. As you listen, I invite you to direct your positive thoughts and energy at Shannon and Scott. As well, think about how these words might be meaningful for you too.

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like Struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”

“Knowing that we can be loved – exactly as we are – gives us the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest people.”

“Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.”

“Love is like Infinity: you can’t have more or less Infinity, and you can’t compare two things to see if they’re ‘equally infinite.’ Infinity JUST IS, and that’s the way I think Love is, too.”

“If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet… there is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”

Scott, Shannon… as you look around, take note of at least one thing that all of us here today have in common: you both are important and special to us. You’ve touched our lives in a meaningful way. There is something of yourselves that you have left with each of us. And that’s why we are here with you today in celebration. Continue forward with Mr Fred Rogers in your heart as you navigate this wonderful life together.

I’ll end with his words the same way he ended his program. If you know it, say it with me:

“You made this day a special day, by just your being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.”

David: 

Scott and Shannon have written vows to each other that they would like to share. 

Shannon Brown’s Vows:

Scott Stephen Riley, today I take you as my partner in crime, my anchor, and my husband. I couldn’t be more excited to be marrying my very own Dread Pirate Roberts!  For those who don’t know, Scott and I met at a Halloween party. He showed up with hard cider and dressed as the dread pirate Roberts.  He literally stole my heart then and there. 

Since then we have built our relationship with strong foundations in honesty, trust,  communication, openness, love and of course deep appreciation for The Lord of the Rings. We have both grown on our unexpected journey together,  we embrace each other as individuals, but individuals that complement rather than complete each other. 

I am choosing to continue my journey with you for the rest of my life and today in front of our families, partners, and friends I vow… 

… To continue to build our relationship as equals in life. 

… To not attack you with glitter bombs purposely 

… To be your anchor, but to never hold you back from finding your way. 

… To help you achieve your goals, in both life, love, and support your relationships as you have done for me. 

… To continue to watch Santa Claus the Movie if you watch my claymations at Christmas with me each year. 

… To love and support you… No matter where this crazy life takes us. 

… To give you space when you need it, but be here for hugs and snuggles when you need to be held. 

… to marathon Lord of the Rings at least once a year with you! 

… To continue to share your awesomeness and sexyness with the people who bring you so much happiness and love. 

… And I vow to stay close to your heart, and remind you everyday that you will always have a place in mine.

There have been so many uncertainties in life and so much so in the past year. But like Anna sings to Olaf in Frozen..

“That’s why I rely on certain certainties,

Yes, some things never change

Like the feel of your hand in mine

Some things stay the same

Like how we get along just fine

Like an old stone wall that will never fall

Some things are always true

Some things never change

Like how I’m holding on tight to you”

Scott, I couldn’t be more certain about you… I love you unconditionally, like Stark loves Pepper Potts, Ariel loves Prince Eric, and like Sam loves Frodo! I love you both romantically and as my best friend. As Gandalf says, “all we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us,” and I look forward to making many more memories with you.

I love you.

Scott Riley’s Vows:

Shannon, you have become a beacon of light in my life. You are a source of warmth, comfort, and happiness that I was not looking for, but have joyously found, and treasure. I promise to be your anchor in storms and safe harbors. A deep and long hug, a warm and comfortable snuggle, a firm and strong shoulder to cry on, and a hand to hold through all our journeys. 

I will be a friend to listen to you, and make you smile and laugh, even if I laugh harder at my own jokes. I will share in your experiences, and support you in all our endeavors. I will honor, respect, cherish, and love you. 

For all of my life, I will be thankful for the home, friends, and family you’ve chosen to share with me. Your eyes and your smile, your intelligence and sassyness, your deep capacity and talent for nurturing life and the world, making it better, wherever you go. I vow to return the gift of your love with my heart and soul to make you a part of my world.

Community Vows

David: 

To those gathered here today on this momentous occasion “Do you promise to love and support this couple as we continue on our journeys in life together, just as they love and support us?”

Audience:

We do

David:

The rings please. 

(Declan and Logan give rings to David) 

Two rings to show your love, two rings to bind you, two rings to seal your love, and to ever entwine you.

You may place your rings. 

//Shanon and Scott place their rings.

David:

Across from you is your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, here on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever. As you work alongside each other, together you build your futures your way. As you will passionately love and cherish each other through the years, their touch will comfort you. Their hands will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. Wipe tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow and tears of joy. Your bonds will help you to hold your family, friends, and partners together in the journey of life. When wrinkled and aged, you will still be there, still giving each other the same tenderness with just a touch.

Do you Scott take Shannon to be your wife? To love and cherish, trust and protect, to aid and abet throughout your journeys in love and life? 

Do you Shannon take Scott to be your husband? To love and cherish, trust and protect, to aid and abet throughout your journeys in love and life? 

You may now kiss the bride.

As we kissed “Don’t stop me now” by queen started playing and we walked down the aisle as man and wife. 

We got a series of pictures done by Scotts best friend/best man and his crew (Andy did the photography for our wedding with Andrew Gibson Photography, and also was the dj) and then went upstairs to be announced into the reception. After being announced we went straight to the dance floor for our first dance. It was too “Perfect” by Ed Sheerhan. At that time there was no one else in the world besides Scott and I. I felt like a princess and it was magical. 

Following the first dance we had dinner. We did not do a fancy traditional wedding dinner. We hired The American BBQ and had a cook out style meal with hamburgers, hot dogs, veggie burgers, chicken and more. This was seriously one of the best burgers I have ever had. I got good compliments on this choice as well. I was told that the veggie burgers were especially phenomenal! 

As we finished up our meals the best man made his speech and we welcomed everyone! It was amazing coming together after so long in isolation.

The father daughter dance was announced. My situation is unique, as I grew up with three different dads. Each dad was a primary person in different phases of my life. I chose the song “Butterfly Kisses” to dance to, and each father danced to a different verse. My first step dad passed away in 2009, so my younger brother Colton stepped in to dance for him. He was there through my childhood, so he had the first verse. My current step dad took the second verse, because lucky him, he got me as a teenager. And my biological dad danced the last verse. I didn’t meet him until I was 18. He got me as an adult. It was a special dance for me! 

As our dance ended Scott and His mom took the dance floor, doing a sweet dance to “You’re the Sunshine of My Life” By Stevie Wonder. Scott is not a big fan of being the center of attention, but this was an extremely sweet and memorable moment for me. I have inherited a wonderful new family! Scott is also always very sweet with his mother! 

I took the microphone after this. As I had one more special dance planned! My mom and I did a fun dance together to an ABBA Remix. We always joke that the play/movie Mamma Mia is the story of our lives. I had three dads, and she was Donna! She nearly killed me for sharing that in front of everyone, but I feel they needed context as to why we chose ABBA!

The cake cutting was a lot of fun! We did end up doing a cake smash. But the funniest part was not us, it was the reaction of my nephew. He was absolutely mortified that we smashed cake into each others faces. He was standing with my mom and told her how much trouble we would be in for playing with food! We did have a small cake for us, and the rest were cupcakes. They are made by friend of my moms in Vermont!

The rest of the evening could not have gone better. It was beautiful watching the sunset over the ocean and the Boston Skyline. We danced and drank the night away, celebrating love with our friends and family by the sea. This was only my dream wedding come true! I can honestly say that I was truly happy in this setting being surrounded by all of my loved ones and having them accept me and Scott and our lifestyle. I felt like my two worlds finally came together, my biological family and my poly family. This party with everyone together was the best gift that everyone could have given me.

Planning a wedding at any time is hard, planning a wedding to happen as the world is slowly opening up after a pandemic is a whole other story. I had a lot of help along the way. I had hired a dear friend of mine who owns a small business called Necessities. She helped me make almost everything for the wedding from my centerpieces, to decorations, to boutonnieres. She is a fantastic planner and an amazing crafter. I would highly recommend her for your event planning needs!

Our wedding theme was very unique because we did a mash up of both Scott and my favorite things. We ended up having a Marvel/Ocean/Mermaid themed wedding. Renee was able to do subtle and not so subtle hints of our favorite things throughout the whole wedding. It was fantastic! You will see the pictures of everything in the next post about the wedding. 

There is a lot that goes into a wedding! One thing that was very memorable for me was getting to make the wedding favors with my mom, aunt, and best friend Tara. They all came over to my house and we started a system on how to put them together. We were stringing shells on small jars which we were going to fill with salt water taffy.  

You would think that would be easy right? Well, we found out the holes in the shells were too small so we had to break out the power tools to drill a little bigger hole into a very small shell. Tara took on the job! It was a very dusty success. 

After all the shells had appropriate sized holes in them, we started an assembly line which worked out very well. We put on some Queen in the background (and very upbeat music to work too), and started. Two people worked on tying the shells to the small jars with twine, the other stuffed the jars with taffy, and the other person packed them all up in the boxes so that they were ready to travel.

It was a day full of laughs and hugs. Because after a year of isolation, you want to get as many hugs as you can possibly get! It also meant the world to me that my family was there for me even if they don’t understand completely about how polyamorous relationships work. The accept me and support me all the same.

Rehearsal and Food by the Sea

The day of the rehearsal I was very excited and also very nervous. It was going to be the first time in a long time that I had seen some of my friends and family. Our wedding was at the Knights of Columbus in Nahant. It was a diamond in the rough. The venue was gorgeous overlooking the ocean and the Boston Skyline.

When I arrived most people were there already and ordering drinks, then sitting at tables on the back deck. As we walked down Max was barking at everyone in greeting. He had his mermaid collar on for the occasion. We got married in a beautiful Gazebo with the ocean in the background. This was absolutely my dream wedding.

I have to say that I am very thankful for Tara, once again. She is always good at getting the attention of a crowd. We had a very large wedding party so it was hard to get everyone’s attention at first, especially after a few drinks. She got their attention and we started the rehearsal. Everyone was very amused by the music. There was a lot that was not traditional about this wedding. First my boyfriend, David as you all know from my previous posts, officiated the ceremony. Second, the bridal party consisted of friends, family, and many metamours. It was really a gathering of people from all parts of our lives. And lastly, my mother walked me down the aisle. She was the person who was always there for me thru every stage of my life, so I asked her to give me away.

After several rounds of practicing we headed to the rehearsal dinner. It was super fancy. We ordered from Kelly Roast Beef in Revere and ate on the beach. It really was just a magical experience. Having all of the important people in our lives, in one place, smiling and laughing together, and just accepting Scott and I for who we are. Supporting how we are choosing to live our lives. I honestly could not have wished for anything more. Everything about this day was perfect.

Little did I know what 2020 would bring us all, I had planned my original wedding for June of 2020, but that did not happen happen for obvious reasons. I had a small backyard wedding in August of 2020 with a small group of people, and broadcast it over zoom. We rescheduled our bigger party for July of 2021. A perk to being a covid bide? Getting to have two weddings?

Spa Day Bachelorette!

I was fortunate to have a bachelorette right before the world went into chaos. In February of 2020 I had rented out a spa called Release in Westborough Massachusetts for the afternoon where my friends could all meet up, sit in a hot tub, lay in a salt room,  get massages, sit in the saunas and relax. 

It was such a fun celebration. My Matron of Honor, and best friend Tara made Scott and I some adorable Bride and Groom sashes. Of course mermaid themed, and I am a mermaid. My other Matron of Honor, my sister Carrie, brought champagne and we toasted to many amazing years.

The group of friends that joined me were amazing. I had a mixture of my partners, metamours, poly and monogamous friends, and family. It was inclusive of everyone in my life, and everyone accepted each other for who they were. It really was a magical moment for both Scott and I. I came out of this experience very relaxed!

Mermaid/Princess Bachelorette June 2021

Because it had been so long since I had my bachelorette, and I wanted to make some light out of all of all the alterations we had to make for our wedding, as well as I was going to have my big wedding in the month, I decided that I wanted to have another bachelorette party. This one was going to be a little different. I hosted it at my house, and this also included the important friends, metamours, and children in my life. I had a princess style bachelorette with a hint of mermaids.

The day consisted of Princess movies all day! I had two televisions going during the day playing different movies. This was so that people didn’t necessarily have to watch a movie that they weren’t interested in. So they had a choice between two movies at any given time!

With the help of my good friend Amie, who is just as much of a planner as I am, we turned my house into a magical princess’s world. My dining room/game room was set up with a princess themed tent set up for the kids to have a cozy spot. It was decorated with mermaid pillows and blankets. 

Also in this room we set up a beautiful mermaid themed buffet, complete with beautiful and delicious truffles made by one of my friends! Their company is called Truffles of Love. She started making truffles as a side business and it took off. I was very lucky to be her co teacher at the time and got to taste test a lot of her new truffle experiments. I would highly recommend her for your party chocolate needs!

We also put up an under the sea background so that we could have a place to take photos during the night. As you may have seen in my blog posts, I love pictures, so this was something that was very important to me.

During parties I always find it important to label where certain rooms are. So I place signs on all the doors so people know where to go. I quite enjoyed the sign for the bathroom, or should I say the throne room! It made me giggle a bit. 

In the living room we played more movies, and also set up the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. I had put out nail polish, and manicure materials, as well as all of the items needed for doing facials. I wanted to create something fun for all ages, and something we could do while we relax.

I have always found coloring to be very calming, and I would always color, especially in college, when I needed to destress. The point of today was for everyone to destress and have fun, so I also set up a coloring station for people to be able to color while watching a movie.

What can I say, I am a big kid! I had so much fun with my friends and the kiddos in my life that day. And it ended with a bang! My friend brought over her beautiful malamutes. They were huge, fluffy, and super cuddly! It couldn’t have ended any better. Enjoy more photos from this fun day below!

I have always been a princess. I grew up watching Disney movies, and they became a huge part of my life, and the reason for my big imagination and hopeless romanticism. That’s why when I got to go to the most magical place on earth, once with David and once with Scott, I felt like the luckiest princess in the world. My Disney fairytales were coming true. 

The trip I took with David was an interesting one to say the least. It was a trip that was planned before Grant and I decided to get divorced. So the trip was with Ellie, David, Grant, myself, and his soon to be wife. We decided a month before the trip that we were going to get a divorce. However, we still went through with the trip and had a great time. For the most part the divorce was amicable and we could still tolerate each other.

We had rented a condo in a gated community outside of Disney. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was good for the price we were paying. Besides, we weren’t going to be at the house often. We had a jam back schedule planned for this trip. Grant was also a Disney fanatic and had dinners and everything planned down to a tee. So we flew into Orlando Florida and a few hours later we were already in the parks. Epcot to be specific. He had made us reservations at Epcot’s Tepen Edo Hibachi Restaurant. It was amazing. We may have gotten pretty tipsy on the first night. 

This trip was different for me. Going with Grant was fun, but always a speed race. He wanted to get to everything as fast as he could. And the last time I went I almost ended up with heat stroke because we were non stop and I wasn’t drinking enough water. This time he was off with his girlfriend, and I got to take it nice and slow enjoying the parks with David and Ellie. I got to show them the things that were important to me. I have been going to Disney every 2-3 years since I was five years old. It was so nice taking in all the sites, and actually being able to relax ( well as much as you can relax) on a Disney vacation. 

In the Magic Kingdom we enjoyed all of the popular rides, like Splash Mountain, the Haunted Mansion, Space Mountain, and of course my favorites Pirates of the Caribbean. Also new this year was the little mermaid ride. They had build Prince Eric’s Castle and you got to go under the sea and visit Ariel! Ariel has been and always will be my favorite Disney character. I am a mermaid at heart. We spent a lot of time eating ice cream and getting Dole Whip from Adventureland. This became one of David’s favorite frozen drinks.

David and I had a lot of fun trying on all the funny and silly Disney hats around the parks. I tried on hats all around the world showcase in Epcot, and had fun trying on all the character hats!  I think the funniest experience was getting the new Minnie ears that glowed different colors and had a special wand that could change the colors. Not only did they change your ears but they could change the color of anyone’s ears who had one! David chanced behind people changing their ear colors and would completely change all of the displays. I think he may have had a little to much fun! What was also unique about these particular ears is that they would change colors to the music during fireworks and light shows! They were a lot of fun!

Another one of my favorite memories was going to a Medieval Times Dinner show. This was not a part of Disney but is so much fun to watch! It is a show of kings and queens, and knights and wizards. You get to watch live jousting and immerse yourself in a different era! I highly recommend checking this out if you are ever in Kissimmee Florida.

Speaking of wizards. We had our wands choose us as Olivanders in Diagon Alley at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at the Universal Studios Resort. I was so excited for this because it was the first time that I was able to ride the Hogwarts Express. The last time I had been the other side of the Wizarding World had not been built. Getting to experience this with Ellie and David was chillingly amazing. We had lunch at the Three Broomstick and had Butterbeer! All of my favorite things about the Harry Potter World I got to live! We got to go to all of the shops! They even had Knockturn Alley and a Deatheaters store! It was seriously amazing! 

We got to learn spells like Alohamora, and wingardium leviosa around the wizarding world. There are spots where you can cast a spell and make things happen. It made you feel like you were living a dream! 

However, I couldn’t go to Universal and not going to Jurassic Park. I have a crazy love for dinosaurs and I love getting my picture taken with the T-Rex. 

This trip was so magical, and I cherish everything about it.

Part 2: 

A Family Trip and a Big Surprise.

In April of 2019, before the world went crazy because of the Covid-19 Pandemic I got to go to Disney one more time worry free. What started off as just a family trip turned into so much more. I had a big surprise in store!

This trip I had invited Scott to come along for. It was amazing. We went with my mom, step dad, aunt,  both my brothers and my sister in-law, and my niece and nephew. It was a busy trip but an amazing one.

My family does not do Disney small. For Christmas the year before we all got matching Disney apparel. We all got matching hats so people knew that we were together. We like those corny types of things. 

It was magical showing Scott all the spots I had shown David and Ellie. However, at the beginning of the week, I planned a special dinner just for the two of us at the Biergarten in the World Showcase in Epcot. I wanted to have at least one romantic alone night with Scott while we were there. 

I had been here once before and it was an amazing buffet of German Cuisine. I also knew that they were going to have an audience participation dinner show, in which Scott had no clue. While we were sitting there, they had asked the crowd if anyone would like to join them to help them with the next segment of the show. I raised my hand, and they came over to us. Little did Scott know that I had pre arranged with the restaurant to choose us for this portion of the show.

They brought us up to their dance floor and pulled out a table with a bunch of bells. Scott looked very intimidated. It was pretty funny. He then went on to tell us that he would be teaching us how to play Edelweiss on the cow bells. It was hysterical and so much fun.

He then asked us what brought us here, and then handed me the mic. At this point I said “ I have been with Scott for 2.5 years now, I met him when he showed up to my halloween party dressed up as the Dread Pirate Roberts. When I first laid eyes on him I knew that I had found a home for my heart. And now here we are in the most magical place on earth and I can’t think of a better place to ask this. Scott, will you marry me?”  And after looking terrified being up in front of a lot of people, he said “yes.”  

The room erupted in cheering and clapping, and we ended up getting many many drinks bought for us. Again we did not leave the world showcase sober. The ring is beautiful. Scott and I bonded over The Lord of the Rings. So I had a silver ring made with elvish written around the outside, and what it meant on the inside. What was inscribed was “One ring to show our love, one ring to bind us, one ring to seal our love, and to forever entwine us.”

 I had given my family a heads up that I was going to be doing this and they had decorated our bedroom in rose petals and had wine and mead ready for us! It was seriously one of the best experiences of my life. 

We enjoyed the rest of the week in Disney just deep in love and having the most magical time. Here are some pictures from our trip!

Picture this (note I have been watching the Golden girls and was inspired by Sofia): Halloween night, the party at my house is picking up, the house is decked out in Halloween decorations, there is spooky food, and killer music playing in the background. There must have been over 50 people here at this point dispersed between the house and the backyard where the firepit was blazing with ceramic skulls at the bottom of the pit, adding to the haunted ambiance. As I have said in the past, Halloween is my favorite holiday. We go all out every year, and our parties have become very well known in our local friend and poly community! This year I was dressed up as the Cheshire Cat. I was very excited because the friends I had made at poly camp the previous August were going to be there. At the time I was currently dating one of them, though our relationship did not last, we found that we made stellar friends! We are still friends to this day who still occasionally like to flirt and snuggle! 

there in front of me was a dark and mysterious man dressed in black, carrying a rather large sword

All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. I thought this was pretty unusual because at our larger parties we encourage people to let themselves in. So I opened the door to see who was there, and there in front of me was a dark and mysterious man dressed in black, carrying a rather large sword(giggles), and with a gift of hard cider. My jaw dropped as soon as my eyes met his. He has the most entrancing dark brown eyes. I had the one and only Dread Pirate Roberts standing in front of me. 

I kinda just stood there awkwardly looking at him for a minute, and then he smiled and said “Hello.” That snapped me out of my daze, and I greeted him. I had never seen him before so I was very curious about who he was. He then went on to explain how he had met David and some of our friends from Vermont at the halloween party that took place the night before. I had decided not to attend this party because as much as I love people, I am an introverted extrovert, two parties in a row would have been too much for my mental health to handle. I have become pretty used to having strangers show up at my house on Halloween, I knew they would somehow be connected to David. He is very much the extreme extrovert of my household, and of all my relationships.  So I invited him in. We went looking for our friend who had invited him. 

Ellie popped out from around the corner and I introduced her to Scott. She really had no idea who he was supposed to be, but she did know where our friend was. She started hollering down the hall to her. “Zorro is here for you!” I couldn’t do anything but laugh, but I could definitely see how she could mistake the Dread Pirate Roberts for Zorro.  

Halloween parties have really been my good luck charm for meeting new people. I met David at a halloween party, and now Scott. After the party Scott and I stayed in contact, though we didn’t start dating until December. We grew our friendship over the few months between October and December. There was no denying that there was a big spark between us. 

We talked almost daily with a considerable amount of flirting. I remember one time when I was feeling miserable with a cold, he came over with some chicken noodle soup and we watched the first Marvels Avengers movie. This is when I first found out that he was an extreme movie buff, and was obsessed with the Marvel Universe. His favorite Marvel character has always been Iron Man. What also made this time memorable was that it was also the first time that we held hands. Very innocent right? But I felt sooo many butterflies. It was really hard for me to focus on the movie with a head cold that made my head feel like a balloon, and concentrating on the warmth of his hand on mine, feeling his fingers caress the back of my hand. I still get goosebumps to this day thinking about it. 

Our friendship continued to grow. My birthday is December 6, and I held a birthday party that he attended with his at the time girlfriend. that relationship did not work out well for him, but that is not my story to tell. I remember he was dressed up handsomely with a dress vest, and my breath was taken away. This man continuously rendered me speechless.

Our first official date ended being, going to see Star Wars: Rogue One in IMAX with his best friends. It was at Jordan’s Furniture IMAX. I got there a half hour early to sit and get my nerves about me. Some things never change, I always become a nervous wreck on a first date. I sat there watching people use the trapeze swings, and watching the water light show. He finally texted saying he was there and I met him at the door. This was the first time we kissed. I remember feeling a spark when our lips met. Afterwards, we just looked into each other’s eyes and smiled. 

We went to the lobby of the theater and met up with his friends. We got snacks and then stood in line for over an hour so that we could get good seats. Not that Scott or I minded. We spent half the time lip locked because we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Luckily his friends had each other, even though a lot of it was them picking on us. This was the beginning of me and Scott. We have been together for 5 going on 6 years now, and recently got married twice! Once in August 2020 during the pandemic in a super small ceremony, and then our bigger party in July 2021. In coming posts I will tell you about some significant events in my life, a proposal and a wedding by the sea! 

It has been a while since I have tried to make a post. Over the course of 2020 and into 2021 I had lost a lot of inspiration to write due to depression because of the pandemic and the many harsh realities that it  had brought to life.. But I am trying to come back! 

Throughout 2020 and into now, I have done a lot of reflection on my life and the direction that I have been going, and really looking at and reflecting on my  past. After all, my past and present self has brought me the experiences that have made me who I am today.

I have been trying to grow as a person and partner throughout the last year. I will rightfully admit that I have not always been the best at “being” poly, but I really have  learned so much from the experiences that I’ve had with the various people who have come in and out of my life. And because of these experiences, I am a stronger person and more aware of what I want and I’m looking for in my life.

From where we left off in my last blog post, needless to say David and  my relationship has been successful. I have been with him for eight years now. He was my first poly relationship, and I am proud to say that I am still with him. We have definitely had our ups and downs and made significant mistakes, but we’ve always pulled through and made each other stronger and better people. You will still hear a lot about him in my reflections as he has been an integral part of my life since I have identified as polyamorous.

Grant and I never recovered after his mother left the house. We both held a lot of resentment for each other and for  what happened while she was with us. Josephine basically ruined my marriage with him from the beginning. Grant and I have been divorced for several years now. I am very happy for him however, because he finally got everything that he was looking for. He is married and has a son of his own now. I wish them all happiness!

After the divorce, Grant and Ellie also broke up. Grant had decided to become monogamous with his soon-to-be wife.

Soon after the divorce I met Scott. He came into my life when I needed him the most. When I met him he had arrived at one of my Halloween parties dressed as the Dread Pirate Roberts from the movie Princess Bride. He is now my husband. 

If you would like to hear about anything more about something from past posts, please feel free to message me and I will write a post going more in depth about what you would like to know about!

Like I said, I am planning on taking this blog in a new direction so that I can regain inspiration for writing, because it is so important to me. I plan to talk about where I am in the current, as well as delve into my past a bit more. I plan to talk about my good experiences and great things that have happened within my relationships as well as my challenges with fear of abandonment, jealousy, body image, and dealing with past trauma. I plan to educate people about polyamory, and the fact that being polyamorous can mean something completely different to different people but still revolves around the same concepts. 

I hope you all will continue to read, and enjoy the direction that my blog will be going. I hope that it will become a bit more Interactive, and maybe I can answer some of your questions, or share experiences I’ve had similarly with you. Thank you for being a continued reader of the My Poly Life blog. In my posts to come you will get to hear more about how I met Scott and how our relationship grew! 

He said he broke up with Natalie, and walked into his bedroom and closed the door…..

Ellie and I sat in the living room and talked for a few hours to give David some space. After some time we went and knocked on the door and let ourselves in. Ellie climbed on one side of him on the bed and I pulled myself onto the other side of the bed and we held him. His eyes were tear stained and red, he had been crying for hours. I knew that this break up was going to be very hard on him, Natalie was his first relationship outside of Ellie he had been in for over 10 years. We didn’t really say much, we just held him, until late in the night when I had to go home. 

Before I left I leaned in and gave him a kiss and a hug, and told him that I would be here if he needed to talk. He told me he just needed space for a while. I left the apartment and went to my car and just sat there for about 20 minutes just thinking about what had happened this night. I experienced a roller coaster of feelings ranging from really glad Natalie wouldn’t have her hands on my relationship with David anymore, confused and happy at the same time that David told me that he loved me, but hurt because he said it before henwas going to break up with Natalie and didn’t know when he would be able to say it again.

How am I supposed to process that? He told me he loved me because he didn’t know when he would be able to say it again. Was it still going to be hard for him? I drove home and had a very hard time sleeping that night because I couldn’t shut off my mind, it was racing with thoughts that I just couldn’t shut off. But eventually I dozed off, falling asleep in a light and restless sleep.

The next day came and I had to go to work. It was very hard to focus, because I was very worried about David. I knew he was at home, Ellie told me that he had called in from work to take a self-care day. I messaged him in the morning just letting him know that I was there for him if he needed me but I would give him space. He saw the message midday, with no reply. We went into the night, and still no word from David. The wait went on for several days. I finally realized what he meant when he didn’t know when he could say he loves me again, because right now he didn’t even want to talk to me.

I stayed connected with Ellie through the week. She told me that he still wasn’t doing great and he was consuming himself in video games and Reddit. He had periods of a lot of crying, and he was barely sleeping. After a week I came over to their apartment, and Ellie came outside to talk to me by the pond behind their apartment. I told her that I knew that he was struggling, but him not talking to me for a week was really hurting me, especially considering I knew he was hurting and he had just told me he loved me and then not a word. I knew at this point David semi resented me for the break-up with Natalie.

Ellie went inside and told him that I was waiting out by the pond, and I would like to see him. He was reluctant to come out at first, but in the end decided it was best to come out and see me and confront his feelings. When he came out and I saw him I slowly walked toward him, looking for permission to come in for a hug. His eyes were cold and deep in sorrow, all I wanted to do was hold him. He opened his arms finally and came in for a hug, and I started tearing up.

We took a walk around his apartment complex, and he told me how he had been feeling. He was confused in his feelings toward me, not the fact that he loved me, but the fact that my relationship with him made it so he couldn’t be with Natalie. And he didn’t want to blame me for that, but he did feel somewhat resentful. At this point I had reiterated to him that I would have understood if he wanted to stay with Natalie, it would have hurt, but I knew that he loved her and he had a deep connection. I just couldn’t be in the position that I was in anymore because it was not good for me. We came to a mutual agreement there. It was a complex set of feelings for both of us for different reasons. He did everything he could to make the relationship work with Natalie, but in the end she was overstepping boundaries, and giving ultimatums that affected his other relationships. He said he knows he made the right choice, but it still really hurts. I told him I understood and gave him a hug. He leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips, and whispered I love you in my ear. I had instant butterflies and told him I loved him too.

At this point we decided to start working on forgiving each other for what had happened over the last 6 months. Our relationship got stronger for what we went through, however the trauma of dealing with a nightmare  relationship  with a metamour left me with some internal scars that have taken me years to work through. 

Being new to polyamory and having just gone through the ringer with Natalie, I asked if we could take some time to focus on us, and be able to feel and express ourselves authentically for a while before we introduced or get into new relationships. He had agreed to this, because he knew that this situation had put a huge emotional toll on me. I was very thankful for this. As the summer approached we began to plan many adventures. 

That summer we planned our first trip alone. We went to my house on the cape so that we could spend some one-on-one time together and really work on our relationship. David really made me interested in different kinds of board games, and we spent a lot of the weekend trying out different and new board games such as the game Village that many of his friends did not like, but he had been wanting to play. It was actually a very good game.

While we were there we took romantic walks down on the beach, and I brought him back to some special places that meant a lot to me. Being on the cape had always given me a sense of calm because it is a place that I have very many fond memories, and a place where I always felt safe.

I definitely got to see more of the goofball side of David. He could never take a serious picture, and if you asked him to be serious he made an even goofier face. He spent time outside using my Papa’s grill to make us dinner the first night. We called it an early night because we had to wake up at 3 a.m. for our fishing trip. This became the start of our annual deep sea fishing trips.

David had never been on a deep sea fishing trip before, I tried to tell him to wear something warm, but he did not listen and soon regretted that. We didn’t come back with many fish, but the experience and just being there with him made my day completely. I felt like we were finally able to authentically show each other how we were feeling without any negative repercussions.

The next day we went to Pirate’s Cove in Hyannis. Pirates Cove has always been one of my favorite places to go mini-golfing. I have been to every Pirates Cove on the Eastern Sea Board. David’s competitive side took the best of him that day, and he was bound and determined to beat me at mini golf. It was a very close game and he did end up winning, he waved his little pirate victory flag to show me that he won.

This little trip brought our relationship to a new level, we were building our relationship the way it should have been, and we were working our way too forgiving each other for everything that had happened. The demons of Natalie’s effect on our relationship took a long time to recover from, and still triggers some hard feelings for me at times that I do not expect, but this was the start of a solid foundation for David and I.