He said he broke up with Natalie, and walked into his bedroom and closed the door…..

Ellie and I sat in the living room and talked for a few hours to give David some space. After some time we went and knocked on the door and let ourselves in. Ellie climbed on one side of him on the bed and I pulled myself onto the other side of the bed and we held him. His eyes were tear stained and red, he had been crying for hours. I knew that this break up was going to be very hard on him, Natalie was his first relationship outside of Ellie he had been in for over 10 years. We didn’t really say much, we just held him, until late in the night when I had to go home. 

Before I left I leaned in and gave him a kiss and a hug, and told him that I would be here if he needed to talk. He told me he just needed space for a while. I left the apartment and went to my car and just sat there for about 20 minutes just thinking about what had happened this night. I experienced a roller coaster of feelings ranging from really glad Natalie wouldn’t have her hands on my relationship with David anymore, confused and happy at the same time that David told me that he loved me, but hurt because he said it before henwas going to break up with Natalie and didn’t know when he would be able to say it again.

How am I supposed to process that? He told me he loved me because he didn’t know when he would be able to say it again. Was it still going to be hard for him? I drove home and had a very hard time sleeping that night because I couldn’t shut off my mind, it was racing with thoughts that I just couldn’t shut off. But eventually I dozed off, falling asleep in a light and restless sleep.

The next day came and I had to go to work. It was very hard to focus, because I was very worried about David. I knew he was at home, Ellie told me that he had called in from work to take a self-care day. I messaged him in the morning just letting him know that I was there for him if he needed me but I would give him space. He saw the message midday, with no reply. We went into the night, and still no word from David. The wait went on for several days. I finally realized what he meant when he didn’t know when he could say he loves me again, because right now he didn’t even want to talk to me.

I stayed connected with Ellie through the week. She told me that he still wasn’t doing great and he was consuming himself in video games and Reddit. He had periods of a lot of crying, and he was barely sleeping. After a week I came over to their apartment, and Ellie came outside to talk to me by the pond behind their apartment. I told her that I knew that he was struggling, but him not talking to me for a week was really hurting me, especially considering I knew he was hurting and he had just told me he loved me and then not a word. I knew at this point David semi resented me for the break-up with Natalie.

Ellie went inside and told him that I was waiting out by the pond, and I would like to see him. He was reluctant to come out at first, but in the end decided it was best to come out and see me and confront his feelings. When he came out and I saw him I slowly walked toward him, looking for permission to come in for a hug. His eyes were cold and deep in sorrow, all I wanted to do was hold him. He opened his arms finally and came in for a hug, and I started tearing up.

We took a walk around his apartment complex, and he told me how he had been feeling. He was confused in his feelings toward me, not the fact that he loved me, but the fact that my relationship with him made it so he couldn’t be with Natalie. And he didn’t want to blame me for that, but he did feel somewhat resentful. At this point I had reiterated to him that I would have understood if he wanted to stay with Natalie, it would have hurt, but I knew that he loved her and he had a deep connection. I just couldn’t be in the position that I was in anymore because it was not good for me. We came to a mutual agreement there. It was a complex set of feelings for both of us for different reasons. He did everything he could to make the relationship work with Natalie, but in the end she was overstepping boundaries, and giving ultimatums that affected his other relationships. He said he knows he made the right choice, but it still really hurts. I told him I understood and gave him a hug. He leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips, and whispered I love you in my ear. I had instant butterflies and told him I loved him too.

At this point we decided to start working on forgiving each other for what had happened over the last 6 months. Our relationship got stronger for what we went through, however the trauma of dealing with a nightmare  relationship  with a metamour left me with some internal scars that have taken me years to work through. 

Being new to polyamory and having just gone through the ringer with Natalie, I asked if we could take some time to focus on us, and be able to feel and express ourselves authentically for a while before we introduced or get into new relationships. He had agreed to this, because he knew that this situation had put a huge emotional toll on me. I was very thankful for this. As the summer approached we began to plan many adventures. 

That summer we planned our first trip alone. We went to my house on the cape so that we could spend some one-on-one time together and really work on our relationship. David really made me interested in different kinds of board games, and we spent a lot of the weekend trying out different and new board games such as the game Village that many of his friends did not like, but he had been wanting to play. It was actually a very good game.

While we were there we took romantic walks down on the beach, and I brought him back to some special places that meant a lot to me. Being on the cape had always given me a sense of calm because it is a place that I have very many fond memories, and a place where I always felt safe.

I definitely got to see more of the goofball side of David. He could never take a serious picture, and if you asked him to be serious he made an even goofier face. He spent time outside using my Papa’s grill to make us dinner the first night. We called it an early night because we had to wake up at 3 a.m. for our fishing trip. This became the start of our annual deep sea fishing trips.

David had never been on a deep sea fishing trip before, I tried to tell him to wear something warm, but he did not listen and soon regretted that. We didn’t come back with many fish, but the experience and just being there with him made my day completely. I felt like we were finally able to authentically show each other how we were feeling without any negative repercussions.

The next day we went to Pirate’s Cove in Hyannis. Pirates Cove has always been one of my favorite places to go mini-golfing. I have been to every Pirates Cove on the Eastern Sea Board. David’s competitive side took the best of him that day, and he was bound and determined to beat me at mini golf. It was a very close game and he did end up winning, he waved his little pirate victory flag to show me that he won.

This little trip brought our relationship to a new level, we were building our relationship the way it should have been, and we were working our way too forgiving each other for everything that had happened. The demons of Natalie’s effect on our relationship took a long time to recover from, and still triggers some hard feelings for me at times that I do not expect, but this was the start of a solid foundation for David and I.