I have been struggling to have inspiration to write, so I am sorry that my posts have been few and far between. Covid-19 hit the world so quickly and turned it completely upside down. It has been over two months since I have seen Amie and Patrick, and even longer since I have seen some of my family. When I said goodbye to Patrick back at the beginning of March, little did I know at that point we would become a long distance relationship on the spot. I was expecting maybe a few weeks, but boy was I wrong.

That is one thing that I am very thankful for, I got to have a real goodbye with Patrick. I don’t feel like we were ripped apart, even though everything happened so quickly, but it is still sad and very hard. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions from the beginning.

Embracing Patrick in a hug, the last Tuesday I saw him, I knew it would be a while before I saw him again. I didn’t want to let him go, I embraced him so hard, and took in his sweet woodworking scent, and I watched him get into his car and drive away. My heart sunk, and tears welled in my eyes. I was going to be strong. That is what i kept telling myself.

The next day came around and our household had a discussion with what everyone was comfortable with. And we had come to the decision that we would let people see their partners one more time before having to cut off our lives from the outside world for a while. Coming to a decision with six people is not easy, because everyone has different feelings about what they consider to be safe. Yes, I currently live in a poly household with David, Ellie, Scott and two of our good friends.

I will admit that since quarantine started a few months ago, I have been dusting off some of my old skills that I have lost touch with. So in some aspects this hasn’t been all bad. I have started really singing again, I completed my first 1000 piece puzzle, we are starting a raised garden this year, and we built a woodshed. We are trying to be proactive because we do not know what the food situation will be in the coming months with half of the country out of work.

The other great piece has been that I have been able to see a lot more of my mother. Balancing a big family and Polyamory is a hard thing to do on a normal basis sometimes, because everyone wants your time. My mother and I have started doing workouts together via zoom, 4 times per week. So I am still staying connected to her.

Honestly, I feel like I have been connecting more with my family in general since this started. I will admit at the beginning my brother had me a bit freaked out, coming up with a plan to all escape to Vermont in case everything gets bad. Which, you know isn’t an awful idea because of the lower population to Massachusetts, and our family has skills in how to be self sufficient, especially in cases of food shortages. We have a family of hunters, gathers, growers, education, and medical. It seems sort of doomsday prepper like, but it is always good to have a worse case scenario planned out. The only thing is, I couldn’t leave my poly family behind, we may not be blood, but the love, care, and investment is of a chosen loving family.

Seeing what a lot of my family has been going through has also paid a big emotional toll on me because I hate seeing my loved ones struggling. A majority of my family are essential workers. My mom is a probation officer, my brothers are a correctional officer and one works for channel 5 in Boston. My sister in-law is an ER Nurse. and the one who I have been most concerned about is my Aunt. She is retiring age, and is at very high risk of contracting covid, and she is an ICU nurse in Massachusetts, and some of the stories she tells me is that of a nightmare.

They are running with very little protective gear, and when they had an order coming in of gloves, gowns, and masks, it got intercepted by the Federal Government, so now they are stuck re using masks, using trash bags as gowns (in which they sweat and almost pass out because of the heat trash bags hold in because the ICU is so busy treating people with COVID). It makes me sick and so sad to know what our healthcare workers are going through, yet still going out everyday risking their lives to save others lives. I have the upmost respect for them, and at the same time a great fear.

I am greatly concerned about her mental health as well. She has had to hold phones for people to say goodbye to their families because their families cannot enter the rooms. Because they do not have enough equipment, they aren’t going into the rooms as much unless there is a great emergency, and she has had to intubate her friends, and one of them has passed away. She has said she comes out of work and just cries before she drives home. This is real, and it’s happening, even if we can’t see it from the comfort of our homes.

In honor of her we made a video called The Linda Brown Project, which was a compilation of videos made by friends and family members, as well as a few celebrity guests, to help bring positivity, love, and strength to her. The little things really are the things that make the world go round right now. We have to be creative in showing our loved ones that we care, because we cannot be present with them. Here is a link to the videos that were made for her.

Something that has been great though, is spending so much time with my Pug Max. He is getting older in age, so having this extra time where I can cuddle and play with him has been amazing. He has become a bit clingy though, he doesn’t like me to leave the room without him. Silly puppy.

I have had to be very creative in how I display my love and thoughts with my partners. I have done silly little things like baked a bunch of cookies for my partners and metamours and we have either social distanced giving them to them, or sent them in the mail. I have also colored pictures and sent them to Amie and Patrick. And I send little care packages that will bring them joy. I have sent things like bath bombs, and activities for them to with their son such as building a bird house, a Minecraft cookbook, and family games. Being creative in support has been important. It is hard balancing a job, and making sure that your child is getting their school work done, and just keeping them happy and occupied in a time that children really do not understand.

The video dates have also been a lot of fun. We have found fun ways to be with each other even if far apart. We have done bathtub dates where we both take bath and just talk while relaxing by candlelight, and we have done gardening dates where we look and talk about what we are growing. Thanks to these I still feel as close to Patrick and Amie as I ever did, even though I miss their physical touch, but I can feel their love pouring through the screen.

Work has been turned upside down as well. I haven’t been to work physically since the beginning of March as well, and we have been creative in ways to communicate with the children. I work with infants and young toddlers, so it has been a learning process figuring out what works for them. I have made a collection of youtube videos for children, varying from reading stories, singing songs, dancing, and seeing the cool spring nature. We also zoom with the kinds a few times a week. It has been an interesting task keeping children focused on zoom meetings. But we are making them as engaging as possible.

Here is the link to my youtube page for children: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLH0CMq1_ReOuM4Djs-FY5agDk_z8suUEj

I also made a bunch of finger puppets to help with these meetings, and will also be a great resource when I go back to work. I have re learned some of my old sewing skills, and they came out super cute! I also made a fox and an owl finger puppet and sent them off to Amie and Patrick, because those are their favorite animals, to show that I was thinking about them.

This quarantine has been different for everyone. For me I will say it has overall been a huge rollercoaster, and a test to how creative we can be in making relationships work. I video chat with my partners at the very least once a week, because it is nice to see faces, rather than just hearing voices, or seeing text on a screen. That is the one thing I have been struggling with the most, the fact that though I am an introvert, I am very much a social being who needs a lot of touch to show love, and feel security.

I will admit, I have had really bad days where I am over emotional and just can’t stop crying, I also have days where I just don’t want to be touched, and then I can bounce to a great day where I am very productive and getting a lot done. It is ok to have all of these feelings, and I am a person that people can reach out to if they just need a friend to talk too. This virus has been testing us all in ways that we never expected, and we are seeing things that we never thought we would. If you are feeling alone, find creative fun ways to connect with people! Once a week I have been hosting a Zoom Happy Hour for friends to come together and just talk about what they are going through, and what they have been up too, so we can still see each other and stay connected. I know many people look forward to it every week, and so I continue to make it an option.

The hardest thing that I have had to do this quarantine was that Scott and I postponed our wedding to next year. It was supposed to be July 18 of this year, but we didn’t want to put our friends and family at risk. This was a very hard decision, but I feel we made the right one.

I can’t reiterate this enough. This time is testing us, and it is hard. It is ok to have bad days, and it is great when you have good days. Take it one day at a time and we will get through this. We are all in this together, even though we are apart. You are loved, and you are not alone!