The salty sea breeze was rushing past my face, I inhaled the sweet scent of ocean, and seaweed. There is no other place that I would rather be. I feel so at home at the ocean, as I identify as a mermaid, this makes complete sense. However, today was a special day, because David and I had planned a beautiful day together in Gloucester, MA. We hadn’t been on many day trips alone on the weekends, so this was a nice little excursion.

We spent our day walking on the beach, collecting sea glass. He also took me to a really cool old record store downtown. I had never been to Gloucester before this day, and I can see why people love it so much. Its a quaint little ocean side town, and everyone in the shops are so friendly.

This day meant a lot to me, but little did I know this would be the beginning of a drama which affected everything. Natalie was acting not ok with the fact that David and I had taken a weekend day to spend together. She had been staking claim to basically all of his weekends. She was going to be seeing him that night after we had got back from the beach.

Back then, I knew that this was going to be a problem, because everything had to be on a strict schedule, and if someone was late, it was the end of the world. We were a little late coming back from Gloucester that day, and Natalie was ANGRY. I was a bit upset because she had been texting him literally all day complaining about the fact that he was with me, and how unhappy she was with this fact. So he spent a good amount of his day that was supposed to be with me, buried in his phone trying to reassure Natalie. I get wanting to reassure a partner, and if it wasn’t the case every time he saw me, I wouldn’t have had as much of an issue. My time was never just me and him. It was me, him, and her complaining. 

I was going to be hanging out with Ellie overnight, we had plans to go to Barefoot Books again, and to go grocery shopping. David went with Natalie after we got back, she was there to pick him up at his apartment. It was always awkward during these switch offs because he acted afraid to give me a kiss in front of her, and would give me a quick peck and leave, because as he has explained he was worried about the emotional repercussions with Natalie.

This made me feel awful. Though I understood it, it made me feel like our relationship was a secret in a sense, even if it really wasn’t. But it also made me feel that her needs were always going to be more important to mine. It was ok to do things in private, but not in front of her at all. Yet, it was ok to be completely kissy and loving in front of me. I felt this was a big double standard, and it was something that I really struggled with back then.

Ellie and I had a good night, and did all of our fun things on Sunday. Grant wanted to join us, but was still working on helping his brother get into the Veterans Hospital, and helping him get  the psychological help he needed. Ellie and I had discussed how things have been going. Ellie was getting to be at her wits end with Natalie as well. Natalie had made it very clear that she did not really like either of us. I told Ellie that I had been thinking about everything happening and how I was tired of feeling like my relationship with David was not as important, and I was tired of feeling like my relationship was always walking a narrow line that would break at any moment.  Every time I was with David, we couldn’t just enjoy our time together, because she would be constantly texting and telling him that he needed to dump me. This was extremely unhealthy and I had had enough. 

When David got home the next day, he and Natalie just sat in the car for hours talking. Her facial expressions suggested that she was angry. Ellie and I went out grocery shopping and when we got back they were still in the car. Ellie was getting angry. One of her grocery bags had torn open and the groceries went all over the pavement. I helped her pick it up, while David and Natalie stayed in the car staring at her. I looked at David with a “what the fuck” look. Natalie gave me a nasty look in return. At this point David knew that we were angry too.

After all of the groceries were gathered after several trips back and forth to the car, David came in and talked to me and Ellie, he said that he wanted all of us to sit down and talk together. Natalie was not really on board, and neither were Ellie and I. Why did I want to talk too someone who has been trying to sabotage my relationship openly? What good would come from that? He was overwhelmed and upset, she was still sitting in the car outside.

I was tired of being depicted as this awful person who was trying to steal him away, and I was tired not having my time spent with him respected, and I was tired of him being scared to show me any affection because it would trigger Natalie.

I finally broke down and told David that I couldn’t be in a relationship like this anymore. My needs were not being respected, and she was constantly intervening in our relationship. I didn’t sign up to be treated like I was. David was doing the best he could, given that he was still learning how to navigate polyamory as well. It is no easy task. I didn’t want to leave it as an ultimatum, but I told him that if he continued to be with Natalie, which I understood if he wanted too, I couldn’t be in a relationship with him anymore, because it was not healthy for me and my mental health. I was tired of being depicted as this awful person who was trying to steal him away, and I was tired of not having my time spent with him respected, and I was tired of him being scared to show me any affection because it would trigger Natalie. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Ellie spoke up as well saying that she was getting sick of it too. Natalie would also invade on her time with David, and on top of that as I stated earlier, Natalie said that if David ever got Ellie pregnant, she would dump him. That was not right, they are married.  He was also angry, and mean whenever he came back from visiting her, she brought out the worst parts of David. She was also tired of Natalie taking all of the weekends, because Ellie usually did activities with her niece on the weekend, and David had not joined them in a long time. 

I told David that I love him, but enough was enough. He still hadn’t even told me he loved me, even though I knew he felt it at this point, because if he did, he would have to tell Natalie, and it would again be a big drama. 

He gave me a hug and a kiss, and said I am going to tell you this now, because I don’t know when I will be able to say this again, but “I Love You.” 

David was completely broken up and in a bad place. He loved all of us, and he was realizing that how things were going was not going to work anymore. His wife couldn’t support his relationship with Natalie anymore, and he was going to lose me. He had to make a hard decision. He thought about it for a little while. He gave me a hug and a kiss, and said I am going to tell you this now, because I don’t know when I will be able to say this again, but “I Love You.” 

I was completely taken aback by this. This was the first time he was going to tell me this? Really? I was a mixture of happy, and upset, but I told him I loved him too. Ellie and I watched him as he walked out the door, we had no idea what he was doing. Ellie and I sat there for a good 45 minutes talking, while David was out in the car with Natalie. 

He finally came back in, and he looked defeated and tear stained. Ellie asked him what happened. And he said he broke up with Natalie, and walked into his bedroom and closed the door. 

Highlights/ Lessons Learned:

1. It is important to make your needs known. You shouldn’t be made to feel that you are not important by anyone. Keep communication open always.
2. Respect yours and others time with their partners. It is not fun to feel like you are not getting quality time. 
3. Break ups are hard. But in the end you need to do what is right for yourself. If you are in a situation that is toxic to you, you have every right to leave the situation.