Polyamory was becoming a big part of my life, and it was getting harder for me to keep a secret. My mother knew about it, but at the time she had advised me against telling anyone else in my family. She didn’t think that they would get it, and honestly I feel that she was embarrassed by it because it is something that is not the social norm.

I was going on a weekend trip with my aunt, she and I are very close. She helped raise me when I was younger. For a while my mom was a single mother, after her divorce from my step dad. My mom is my hero, despite everything that life had thrown at her, from having an abusive ex husband, to beginning to raise two young children on her own, she had so much determination and will power to be able to take on going back to college to get her bachelor’s and master’s degree. She was doing weekend classes, so my aunt would come up every other weekend to take care of myself and my younger brother. She basically became a second mother to me.

We were headed up north to a small town in Maine to see a gospel singer called Ernie Hasse. Gospel is not my favorite genre of music, but I can appreciate all kinds of music. She and I go to several concerts per year, usually Celtic Thunder. We are in LOVE Celtic Thunder, and go to their concerts and solo concerts every year! We have even been on a Celtic Thunder Cruise! Here is a link to one of my favorite Celtic Thunder songs on youtube called “Seven Drunken Night”

On the way to Maine I decided that I was going to try and tell her about me being polyamorous. It was not an easy decision to make, but she is someone who I talk to about everything, and always have. You know the saying when your Aunt is like your best friend? Well, this is the case between me and her, and it was so hard not telling her about such an important piece of my life.

I told her while she was driving. I tried to bring it up as casually as I could, I had never come out to anyone before, at least of my own free will, and I was really nervous about how she would react. I never questioned that she would still love me, she always would and I had no reservations about that, but she can be quite opinionated and outspoken when she doesn’t understand or doesn’t agree with something. 

She asked me how I had been doing. She was aware of everything going on with Grant and Josephine at home. My family was not the biggest fan of Josephine. I told her things were still very rough at home, and half the time I really wasn’t feeling safe with Josephine and Grant’s brother still living with us. I then told her that Grant and I were trying something new within our relationship, and asked her if she had ever heard of Polyamory?

I have never pushed my family or friends to understand how I am living, I just ask that they support my decision and autonomy to live my life the way I choose.

She had not, so I explained to her that Grant and I were opening our marriage to be able to date and romantically connect with other people. She asked if that is why I had been posting so many pictures of myself with David on facebook, and I told her that it was. She sat there quiet for a little bit, which made me nerves fire out of control. I could see the wheels turning in my aunt’s head as she was trying to process and understand what I had just told her. Finally she said “ok.” She explained that she didn’t understand it, nor is it something that she would want for herself or for me, but if I am safe and happy that she would support my decision. I let out a big sigh of relief. To this day she still doesn’t fully understand it, but it has become a way of life, and she still accepts my decision.

I have never pushed my family or friends to understand how I am living, I just ask that they support my decision and autonomy to live my life the way I choose. And I feel so lucky and fortunate that my family has not and will not turn their backs on me, and will continue to love me, even if I don’t live by the same standards and views on relationships and societal norms that they believe. As my mom and aunt always said, “Shannon, you have always always marched to the beat of your own drum, we wouldn’t expect anything less, and nothing you say could completely surprise us.” 

We enjoyed the rest of the weekend. We stayed at a little country hotel in Bangor, and honestly it reminded me of the the hotel from the shining. My aunt and I had stopped for dinner, and I had, had a few drinks, so when I turned the corner and started walking down the hall that looked like the hall in the shining in which the twins were standing at the end, I playfully started saying “REDRUM” in the voice that the little boy did in the movie. My aunt laughed and said “SHANNON JOYCE!” I laughed and said, “What? I half anticipate Jack Nicholson to break down our door with an axe in the middle of the night to kill us!” She rolled her eyes at me and we continued to our room.

The concert was actually really good! I had never been to a gospel concert, but there were some songs that I recognized. My aunt is religious, and she had introduced my brother and I to religion, but she never really forced it on us. We would occasionally go to church on holidays with her, which I actually enjoyed because I loved to sing the religious Christmas music, I think that it is absolutely beautiful.  We ended up having a beautiful weekend! And I felt so relieved that I could now talk to her about a part of my life that I was still trying to figure out for myself.

Highlights/Lessons Learned:

1. Coming out was not easy for me. I was so scared of what her reaction would be. I feel fortunate in that I know my family would not disown me for making this decision for myself, but they would question me. I know other people are not as lucky. Coming out is a big and important step and should be done when you feel ready to do so. I had the unfortunate experience of being outed to my mother, and I was horrified. Please take care and do not out people who are not ready to be out. It is a privilege that you know about this person’s personal life, respect people’s right to choose when they tell other people. 
2. This hotel really did look like the hotel in the shining! My aunt finds some of the craziest places to stay!
3. My aunt and I to this day still go to several concerts and musicals throughout the year, and we are closer than ever. I am so happy that I can be open and honest with her now. It has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders.