For a few months, David and I spent our date nights going to karaoke nights at TJ Callahans. It was becoming a lot of fun, and something that I looked forward to every week. We were even starting to get a following of people who enjoyed listening to us, and would cheer for us every time we got up to sing. We even started doing some duets together! Our favorite song to sing together was “Jackson” by Johnny Cash and June Carter.

Every week I would always sing the song, ” Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morrisette. I think I can pull off a good Alanis! Her and I have pretty similar voices, and are both altos! This was a song I considered to be my warm up song. The DJ always snickers and points at David whenever I get to the part of the song that says “You’re my best friend, best friend with benefits.” We had explained to him that we were polyamorous, because he would always engage us in big conversations because we had become regulars. So this song always tickled him. He found us fascinating I think.

One of the weeks that we were there, I had ordered my all time favorite meal there, steak tip mac and cheese. If you have not had the mac and cheese at TJ Callahans, I highly recommend trying it! It is made in a  homemade cheese sauce and baked in a small cast iron skillet. You get the Shannon happy dance with every bite! But back on track, David got up and sang a song and dedicated it to me.

When he got up there and started singing the song, I was in complete aww. The lyrics were so beautiful, and reading into the meaning of the words, it felt really meaningful to me, because I was still feeling like my relationship was on a tightrope because of Natalie. It made me feel a little bit of security in our relationship, if that makes sense.

“Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around of and desert you.” – “Never Gonna Give You Up”, Rick Astley

These were words that I had been waiting for David to say to me, and he was doing it through music. Best way to get to my heart! He came back to the table afterward, and seemed all proud of himself. I told him I thought it was the most beautiful song, and the nicest thing anyone had done for me. He seemed shocked…

Why was he shocked? It was a great song. I told him that we should now make this our song, because it meant so much to me. “No. No Shannon, we can’t make it our song,” he said while starting to laugh hysterically. Apparently I was missing something. “No, this is now our song” I said to him. 

“Do you know what a Rick roll is, Shannon?” he asked me. I looked at him with a blank stare. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. He went on to explain what Rick Rolling was. It was an internet meme that apparently annoys people. He went on to tell me how he Rick Rolled his wedding with Ellie as a big joke. 

Needless to say, at whatever fancy event we go to that allows dancing, we will be Rick Rolling the event, because “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley is now David and my song to this day! 

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Things at home were not getting any easier. We still had Josephine living with us, as well as Grant’s brother. It was a really hard time in my life, because I did not feel safe living in my house. I felt that if i did anything, so much as even look at Josephine, she would say I was being spiteful. The agreement that was made up was dictating my life, and I was constantly walking on eggshells.

Grant and I decided to throw a super bowl party and have some friends over. We had to end it at 10 because of the “Agreement.” We invited Ellie and David, Bianca and Liam, and some of Grants other friends as well. David was away with Natalie for the weekend, they went to Vermont, and he was supposed to be back for the super bowl party. 

He was late because Natalie stretched the time out as much as she could, she knew that he was going to be coming to my house after the trip. I was pretty upset about it, but there wasn’t much I could do. I paced, and was texting him, asking when he thought he would be here.  I knew how insecure she was with me, and I felt really bad about that, but if I did what she did, she would be just as upset if not more upset than I was. 

I had made something really special for David, for when he got there. He had just accepted a new job after being unemployed for several months. We were all so happy and proud of him. I decided to try something completely our of my comfort zone, because I knew it would be something that he would appreciate me trying. It is something that he loves to do.  I made a completely homemade chocolate cake from scratch for him. It was the first time I tried a more complicated recipe, that was not a boxed cake mix. I was super proud of how it came out. It also tasted amazing. My decorating isn’t fabulous, but I tried! I even made homemade chocolate frosting. I got the recipe from the Hershey’s cookbook. 

I continued watching the clock, and after two and a half hours, David finally pulled up to the house. I was very upset, and probably did not handle the situation as well as I should have. I was on the verge of crying and ready to have a discussion about things with him. It was starting to wear on me, the fact that he was starting to be late to our planned things whenever he was with Natalie. Recently, he had also been 3 hours late to a date night with me, because he had stayed with her, and ended up sitting in the car with her outside his apartment, while I was waiting inside, trying to calm her down about going in to see me. I ended up falling asleep in his bed before he made it in. 

When he came into the house, he seemed pretty stressed out. He said that Natalie was stating all her insecurities about our relationship on the way back from Vermont. This tugged at my heartstrings a bit, I still had tears in my eyes, but I gave him a hug and decided to talk about my issues later. He was exhausted, so  I was excited to give him the cake, I thought it might cheer him up. When he saw it, it put a big smile on his face, and I could see a little bit of the stress melt away. He gave me a big hug and a kiss, and then went to give Ellie a hug and kiss as well. He seemed very excited to see me and Ellie, he had been away for 4 days. We all sat around ate cake, watched the superbowl, and played a bunch of board games. It was a perfect end to the weekend. 

Highlights/ Lessons Learned:

1. I really need to stay up to date with internet memes apparently. However, I still get very excited to hear the song when it comes on. It makes a funny story to tell now!
2. In the beginning we were all still learning how to navigate our way through poly struggles and pitfalls. We all made mistakes, and didn’t know how to handle our emotions and how we were feeling. It was all new territory. 
3. Try to be respectful of your partner’s time with others. This could be in a variety of ways. Try not to be late to seeing them, unless there is communication as to why you are late. Sometimes life happens and it can’t be helped, but communication is key. Try to limit phone use unless it is something previously discussed. 
4. It is ok to have feelings, and it is ok to express these feelings. When dealing with other people I have found it is always good to use “I” statements, and try not to sound accusatory.  In the beginning I was not very good at owning my feelings, and taking responsibility for them. It has taken me a lot of time to be where I am today, which is still not perfect, but significantly better than I was at this point. It takes time, be patient with yourself and do a lot of introspection.