Halloween is my favorite time of year! And it seems like I meet a majority of my partners at my halloween parties! Maybe it is just my time of good luck? I don’t know. But every year I rotate between a good and scary costume. The first Halloween that I was polyamorous I decided to go with the dark Alice, from American Mcgee! I was obsessed with this computer game in college, and was so excited when it came out on other consoles! 

We had our annual party at our house, and we also got invited to a goth halloween night with a metal band playing. So my costume was perfect for this! Grant and I went with Ellie and David to this event.  Ellie dressed up as a cat, Grant was the mad hatter, and David was a Panda! I had never been to a metal show before, it is not usually my top choice in music. I prefer pop, rock, and country, but can appreciate all types of music. 

When I got there, I was a little nervous, but also very excited to dance! I have been dancing since highschool. Originally I was studying ballet/modern through the dance program at my high school St. Johnsbury Academy. Then when I went to college I was on the UMF Dance Team! We danced to primarily hip hop music, except for the special seasonal music around the holidays! 

We parked in the back of the lot, and walked in. I remember when I first entered the room, I was slightly overwhelmed with how loud the music was, but I quickly adapted to the environment because David immediately brought me out onto the dance floor. The dance floor became my comfort zone, however it was interesting figuring out how to dance to metal music at first! So I watched the people around me and joined in.

David pulled me in close, so that our bodies were touching and rubbing together, and I could feel his warm breathe across my face, so close we could kiss. He would run his fingers through my hair and down my back, while gazing into my eyes intensely. I felt weak in the knees. Another first experience that  I especially liked, was being in the middle of David and Grant dancing. This was where the name the “shandwich” originated. A Shandwich is when I am in the middle of two people in a hugging / other fashion.

The kissing became heavier, and the next thing I knew, we were headed out to the car. 

David took my hand and we went up to the balcony, we watched the club for a few minutes, and then found a nice little secluded bench to sit at.  He brushed my face with his fingers and kissed me. The kissing became heavier, and the next thing I knew, we were headed out to the car. 

Extracurricular activities happened in the car. This was a first for me, and I don’t understand why some people like it. It is very squished and hard to move. But I guess when you are in a bind, or in the moment it works. Overall, it was a very hot expercerience, and a great memory.

David and I went back into the event, and his makeup was pretty much gone on the lower part of his face  from all the kissing. When we came back into the hall, you could tell that we were up to no good, because we were completely disheveled. It was a wonderful night. I will say the new relationship energy (NRE) was still running high, and the feeling was intoxicating. 

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I got to spend one more date with David before he went away with Natalie to Disney for 4 days. He brought me to a Poly Meetup that was hosted by, at the time, Boston Metro Area Polyamory now known as New England Polyamory. This was only the 2nd or third event they had ever hosted. It was held at a sushi restaurant called Yoki in Cambridge.  I met many new people at this event, some that I would go on some dates with in the future. This ended up becoming a monthly event for us to attend. 

When David went to Disney World with Natalie for their 1 year anniversary, I was excited for them, but also a bit on edge. He wasn’t allowed to talk to me except for in secret during the time he was there, because she  made him promise. I was struggling with trying to get onto Natalie’s good side, but it is hard when they made it clear they wanted nothing to do with me.

He sent me some pictures, but I saw a majority of the pictures on Facebook. I will admit my heart sank a little by the end of their trip whenever a picture popped up, because I was struggling with not being able to talk to him. This was the longest we had gone without talking since we had started dating; and it almost felt like torture, to the point where I didn’t want to go on Facebook in the off chance that I would see yet another picture. The last picture I saw was of them on a riverboat, and it made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t like feeling like this. 

He sent me a picture of a pin that he got me. In the end I ended up having to give him money for the pin because Natalie didn’t like the idea that he was getting me a gift on their vacation It seemed pretty petty in my personal opinion on her part, but it was a nice gesture by him nonetheless. I collect the Disney pins; I have a whole book of them from the many trips that I have made throughout my life after they became popular. I have gone to Disney world every 2-3 years since I was 5 years old.

Natalie didn’t think that Ellie was fit to be a mother, and told David that if he ever had a baby with Ellie, they would break up.

While they were away, I spent a lot of time with Ellie and Grant. Ellie had told me that she had been struggling with Natalie as well. Natalie didn’t think that Ellie was fit to be a mother, and told David that if he ever had a baby with Ellie, they would break up. In my opinion, the nerve of her! Ellie was his wife, and they had been together at the time for 13 years; and Natalie  had been with him for a year and she was setting up those kinds of ultimatums? It baffled me at the time that David would even cater to that idea at all.

Ellie and I are both early childhood teachers, so we spent a lot of time talking about children. She took me to a store in Concord, Massachusetts called Barefoot Books which sold unique children’s stories, and musical books. This was right up my alley because I love music. Unfortunately, the store is no longer there, but you can order their books online. When we were there there was a little clay working area in the back. So the children that we are inside came out and we went and painted some clay pieces! I painted a little piggy bank!

The other little excursion we took while David was still on vacation was to Salem with Grant. It was an interesting experience for me, because it was the first time that we were outwardly affectionate and showing we were poly in the daytime, in public. We were walking through downtown Salem holding hands. I was holding Grant’s hand and Ellie was on the other side. For the most part it wasn’t an issue, but we definitely got some disapproving glares.

While we were there we visited this amazing little bakery called A&J King Artisan Bakers, and if you love pineapple upside-down cake, or pretty much anything baked, this is the place to go! It is amazingly tasty, and reasonably priced. We bought a cake to bring home as well. The next stop was to a fortune teller. I will completely admit it, I love this stuff.  The fortune teller told me that I was “embarking on a new and exciting journey, and it will bring you a lot of love.” Well, I guess she was accurate!

That night the three of us went back to Ellie’s apartment and I experienced my first group activity, a threesome. It is an experience I will always remember, Grant took a picture of the three of us together after everything,  and sent it to David. He had a shit eating grin on his face in the photo, it was priceless. 

When David got home from Florida, I was so excited to see him. He gave both Ellie and I huge kisses and gave us our “gifts.” Ellie got a Stitch pillow pet, and I got my pin. The next month of seeing them was so nice. It was pretty much on a weekly basis. However, whenever David came home from Natalie, he always seemed very distanced from me. I could tell he was struggling.

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Board games became a monthly event for David and I. He introduced me his best friend at the time Eli, and his wife Bianca. They had been friends since college, and bonded over some difficult life circumstances, the loss of a parent.

I had never known that board games could be so competitive. These two took it to a new extreme. Their games were always passioned and heated. They went to a monthly board game day at the Topsfield Library. However, in the beginning I was not allowed to go. Natalie wanted that to be just her time. Eli offered to let me come with him on several occasions, because he really liked me, and was not a fan of Natalie. I didn’t go at the time because I did not want to cause drama for David.

Eli hosted many board game days at his house as well. We all became really close. Eli had a pretty big crush on me. I didn’t really see him in that way. He was always very flirty, and wanting to touch me in some way, whether if was brushing my hand with his fingers, or “accidentally” tapping my feet. I didn’t mind, I liked the attention, but I wasn’t interested in much beyond flirting.

At the beginning, when I entered into polyamory, I didn’t feel I could talk to anyone about how I was feeling and what I was processing.

Bianca became one of my best friends at the time. She was someone that I could talk to about my poly struggles, and she could relate, and give me a friendly ear. Eli and Bianca were polyamorous as well. It was definitely nice having someone that I could talk to. At the beginning, when I entered into polyamory, I didn’t feel I could talk to anyone about how I was feeling and what I was processing. I was not ready to come out to my friends yet, so I couldn’t talk to my best friend. I was definitely not ready to come out to my family yet. The support Bianca provided during this period of my life was critical.

David invited us all; Myself, Grant, Ellie, Eli, and Bianca, to a Friendsgiving at Natalie’s house. A Friendsgiving is a time around Thanksgiving that you get many of your friends together and enjoy another Thanksgiving feast! David had talked to Natalie, and told her that it would be a good idea if her and I actually met. He thought that we would actually get along well if we met face to face. Well you have to read about Friendsgiving next time.

What do you think happened?

Highlights/ Learned lessons:

1. Halloween is still my favorite time of year, and I still host a yearly halloween party to this day!
2. Sex in the car is overrated.
3. Joining a community such as BMAP/NEP is a great resource to have when entering into the poly community. You can meet many like-minded people, and build new connections and supports.
4. Ultimatums are never a route to go, it leads to a lot or resentment.
5. Having people cut off all communication with their other partners while you are away is hard. Everyone is different in this way. But people should be able to check in with their other loves while they are away. Not necessarily be in constant contact, but having them cut off complete contact is hurtful to one or all involved.