I felt as if I was doing something completely taboo, and it was so exciting.

I still remember my very first date with David, which was the first date I had with someone else outside of my husband since starting to date Grant. It had been a really long time, and I was way out of practice, and beyond nervous. What would I wear? Is this really ok? What can I actually do? Could I make out with him and have it be ok with my husband? I felt as if I was doing something completely taboo, and it was so exciting. 

Standing outside the door to his apartment I could feel my heart racing. I was working up the courage to knock on the door. We were hanging out at his apartment for our very first date. He was making me dinner, and we were going to watch a movie. It took me a few minutes, and after many of his neighbors looking at me curiously,  I finally gained the courage to knock on the door. 

When he opened the door, he welcomed me with a heartwarming smile and a big hug. To my surprise, at that point I felt less nervous. Something about his presence seemed to put my nerves at ease. He extended his arm and had me come in. Dinner was ready. He had prepared a garden salad with grilled chicken. During the meal we talked a lot! About our interests, our jobs, board games, and I continued to pick his mind about polyamory. We also decided that we were going to watch the movie “Cabin in the Woods.” I had never seen it and I loved horror movies. (A great excuse to cuddle) 

He was very passionate about board games. Here I was thinking it was board games like Monopoly, and LIfe, and you know, I love those games! I started talking about my love for those types of board games,  little did I know there was this whole world of board games that really made you critically- think, and problem solve. It was fascinating. Later on he and I would form a strong bond over playing board games. This was a hobby that I came to really like! 

I was so excited to find out that David also enjoyed singing, because singing is a huge part of my life. I have been singing since I was able to talk. I know it used to drive my older brother crazy, I used to sing all the time on the school bus when I was a child, and it used to embarrass him I think. I will admit when I was younger I couldn’t “carry a tune in a basket” as my Papa would say. But with chorus and my continued love of music, I think I am pretty good now! Karaoke would become a weekly date night for us eventually. Karaoke night at my favorite bar, TJ Callahans.

We continued to talk about our hobbies and interests while we ate. We talked about how I liked to do outdoor things, like walks, and kayaking. And about how I was working really hard on my health, and going to the gym daily. He was actually on the South Beach Diet when at this time, so becoming healthy was something that we both had a lot to talk about.

After dinner, we went over and sat on his couch and talked a little while longer, and then we decided to put on the movie. I was excited to see this movie because I had heard many good things about it. We sat next to each other and watched the first part of the movie, the whole time my mind was racing, should I hold his hand? I was getting so nervous about what I should do, and then all of a sudden he brushed my hand gently and slipped his fingers between mine. I got instant butterflies and a feeling of happiness that flooded over my body. This felt so nice, and it was so exciting.  Needless to say, my concentration was not on the movie for the rest of the date for many reasons, one being that foreign hand in mine. 

We continued watching the movie, holding hands, gently caressing each others fingers. And he turned and looked at me and asked if he could give me a kiss. At this point I had 100 things zoom through my head at once. -“Omg, YES!” “Is this going to be ok?” “Will Grant be ok with this?” “Yes, he will be ok with this, we talked about this happening.”- Finally, after getting my thoughts together, I leaned in and kissed him. I don’t know how it was for him, but you know when they say when you kiss someone and it feels like fireworks? Well, KABOOM! 

The kissing started out with small pecks, and eventually got heavier and more passionate. I felt nothing but butterflies. After maybe 15 minutes of kissing, we started watching the movie again, both full of smiles, and he offered to give me a back massage. We continued watching the movie and I sat on the floor between his legs and he rubbed my shoulders for me. It was all magical! The movie ended, and he still continued to rub my shoulders. I’m not going to lie, I really didn’t know what happened the last quarter of the movie (I had to go back and watch it again later.)

Then his wife came home.

I remember her face when she walked into the apartment, and saw me sitting on the floor between David’s legs. She looked surprised at first, and I started to feel panicked because I thought we were doing something wrong,  I think she thought she walked in on something completely different than what was actually happening, and then realized and said hello. 

David asked her how her date was, and she said that it went well. And then he casually, just asked if she slept with him, and she said yes. I remember the feeling of amazement hearing them talk so openly and casually about sleeping with other people outside their marriage. I watched their facial expressions intently, and they both seemed completely relaxed and happy. It was hard for me to believe and understand. But I thought it was amazing, and it is what I wanted. 

She came in and sat and talked with us for a little while. Then we looked at the time and it was getting really late, so we decided that it was a good time to end the night. I said goodnight to Ellie, and David walked me out to my car. We held hands walking through the parking lot, and I remember feeling like a teenager again because of the excitement of a goodnight kiss. We got to my car and he leaned in to kiss me again. It was a drawn out wonderful kiss, and he said goodnight. 

I got into my car and watched him walk back into his apartment. I sat there for a few minutes just decompressing and analyzing everything that had happened that night. Did all of this stuff really just happen? Is it ok that I am feeling so happy? Will Grant really be ok with everything happening? Wow, he was a good kisser. Can I really make this work? All of my thoughts were overwhelming, but my excitement and happiness was stronger. I went home. 

When I got home Grant was awake and waiting for me. He asked me how the date went. And I was really scared and nervous to talk to him about it. How would he react. So I started off slowly and told him about the dinner, and the talks. He seemed fine. Then I told him about the movie, and the holding hands, he still seemed ok. Then I told him about the kissing, I could see the wheels turning in his head with this one. It looked like he was trying to process the thought of it. I gave him some time, and he finally told me he was glad I had a good night. We set up a night where the two of us were going to go hang out with David and Ellie a few days later….

Highlights/ Learned Experiences:

• I learned that you can’t always anticipate how a date will go, It was important to talk about potential things that could happen on the date with Grant. This way everyone could be on the same page as far as expectations.  Communication was going to be key.
• I was already starting to get feels from the first date. This is called NRE, or New Relationship Energy. Being with David was new and exciting, and I wanted more. But it was also important for me to stay focused on Grant as well. In the coming months we would find this to be hard because our marriage was failing for many reasons. We were working to try and keep it together. But we will talk more about my relationship with Grant in entries to come.
• I learned that I could not wait for my next date with David, and even though it wasn’t quite a date, when we all got together a few days after David and I had the date, it certainly was a night to remember.