My first blog entry, and where to begin. 

My path to finding myself has been an interesting road. Until 6 years ago I didn’t know polyamory existed, nevertheless that how I had been feeling my whole life had a name, and people live this way in healthy and ethical ways, and I didn’t have to feel bad about who I was. What? Mind blown.

My whole life I was taught about the monogamous way of living. I knew from a young age that, that way of life didn’t really seem to fit me. I remember as a child playing Barbies, and my Barbie would have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, or two boyfriends, or two girlfriends. It changed from game to game. I also used to have my Barbies have babies with multiple people. I remember keeping this play secret, because from what I had learned, this was wrong. 

His wife was going on dates, and his two other people were also married. I was amazed and in shock. This was an option?

Like many little girls, I grew up watching Disney movies. I loved watching the princesses find their prince’s and fall in love and live happily ever after. In watching Disney movies many little girls and boys fell in love with the princes and princesses. As a child I remember falling in love with the kindness of Prince Eric, the bravery of Prince Phillip, the adventurous nature of Aladdin, and the furry in me fell in love with the beast and his courage to learn and work to better himself. I may have also loved the arrogant, cocky side of Gaston as well. What can I say? I like a good bad boy. It was at this point I knew I wanted something different than what society and media was showing me I should want; which was to find my one true love and live happily ever after. I didn’t want to have to choose just one of the princes. They were all different and had characteristics that were individually appealing to me. Why couldn’t I fall in love with, and be with them all? Was that selfish? I grew up as a princess at heart and new that I was destined to find love and live happily ever after, the only difference for me was I wasn’t destined to find love with just one person. 

When I seriously started dating, I was of the notion that I had to be with only one person at a time. It was unacceptable to be with multiple people and if you were you were considered a slut. I spent a lot of my life trying to fit in, so I had to go by the books. In college I had a hard time staying with just one person. I would date someone and then find someone else, and felt I had to end things with the person I was seeing to pursue a new interest. It always made me feel awful. I really liked the people I would date, but felt trapped by the “rules” of relationships and dating. 

I eventually did find someone I thought I could live the rest of my life with. I married him, and I loved him a lot. We were together for over 10 years and were doing it by the books, riding that relationship escalator, hitting all the milestones in each step:

• Fall in love, check. 
• Get married, check. 
• Buy a house, check. 

Like I said in the beginning, it was a little over six years ago when my life began to change. I met a person who was a friend of my husband’s best friend. He was brought to one of the parties we hosted at our house. He began talking about how he and his wife were polyamorous, which he said meant they dated and loved multiple people outside of their marriage. This caught my attention, so I sat down at the table with him and just listened to his story and his current relationship dynamic. He was with his wife, and had one girlfriend, and a girl that he was just starting to date. His wife was going on dates, and his two other people were also married. I was amazed and in shock. This was an option?

For weeks after I researched all I could about polyamory, and I continued talking to my new friend, David.  He gave me some titles of books such as The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy and More Than Two by Franklin Veaux, Eve Rickert, Janet Hardy, and Tatiana Gill to read to help me learn more. I found that both books were helpful and gave me different ways to look at polyamory. I also enjoyed my conversations with David. He talked about how he balances everything and makes it all work. He also told me stories about his life and about his partners. He spoke so passionately and eventually I realized that I was developing a crush.

My husband and I, and David and his wife began to hang out more, doing board game nights, and my favorite, karaoke nights! The very first time we hung out, outside of a party setting was at Limelight in Boston! We did a karaoke night, and I remember choosing one of the hardest songs I could because I wanted to impress David (see the video below). As we got together more and more, and with all the new information about a new way of living, I couldn’t help but feel that polyamory was right for me. But how would I breach this topic with my husband? Our marriage was already struggling for various reasons which I will talk about in another post. It was a hard thing to bring up, but surprisingly he wasn’t completely opposed to the thought of it. But it would be a challenge to navigate as I later would find. 

When I brought it to Grant, I told him what David had been telling me about Polyamory. That it was loving multiple people, and being able to be with them ethically because we are open and honest with each other about intentions and what is happening. He did seem interested in it, but in the beginning a lot of rules were made, which we would find out later would not work.

I told him about my interest in David. And this was my first step into polyamory, and my first step into my whole world changing.